Saturday, October 04, 2008

Tears, tears and more tears

I think that I have become a professional crier. Seems I have become quite good at it and do it an awful lot. Most times I cry because I miss my mother so much, today was 6 months since she passed. I guess that is to be expected and is normal. Lately though I cry over things I no longer have control of. Maybe I never did. It's hard to let go. To let go of dreams, let go of memories, let go of plans, let go of who I was. They say, "Man plans and G-d laughs." Doesn't seem very nice if you ask me, but who I am to question right? Hmmmm...not really sure how to answer that one. Someone told me recently that the Rebbe of Lubavitch said we could make demands of G-d. Demands, eh? Yep, sounds about right to me. Maybe now is the time to pray in a different way. Maybe I need to set forth a few demands and hold Him to some promises I read He made me. Maybe, just maybe, the tears will end and turn to joy.


Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry; do not be silent to my tears, for I am a stranger with You, a sojourner like all my forefathers. Tehillim 39:13


You have counted my wanderings; place my tears in Your flask-are they not in Your record? Tehillim 56:9


My soul thirsts for G-d, for the living G-d, "When shall I come and appear before G-d?" For me my tears were sustenance day and night, when [they] say to me all day long, "Where is your G-d?" Tehillim 42:3-4


“How very good it is, when you can awaken your heart and plead until tears stream from your eyes, and you stand like a little child crying before its father.”

“Speak to G-d and understand your purpose in life. Think about yourself and beg for God to help you find Him."

"The main time King David secluded himself with God was at night, under his covers in bed. Hidden from the sight of all others, he would pour his heart out before God. This is the meaning of the verse; 'I speak every night on my bed in tears (Tehillim: 6:7).'"

Happy is he who follows this for it is above all else” (Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom # 68).


Rachel said...

I really liked this post.

"Doesn't seem very nice if you ask me, but who I am to question right?" I laughed aloud at that one, as I find myself thinking the same thing all too often.
The Rebbe was right- You sorta have to keep demanding. I once heard it said in the form of an analogy that comes to mind right now: A child asks his father for a piece of candy. The father initially says no. If the kid keeps tugging on his father's coat enough and asking for the candy, the father will eventually give in.

May Hashem comfort you for the loss of your mother and may you merit to see her soon with the coming of mashiach.

Philly Farmgirl said...

Thank you Rachel for your kind words.

I have to tell you, my heart leapt when my friend shared those words of the Lubavitcher Rebbe with me. I like your thought of the child asking for the candy. This is a case though of where you plug into Hashem as truly your Abba...if you bug Abba enough, eventually he gives it to you, right? B"H, Hashem is truly our Divine Parent.