Hi, my name is Philly and I am a ________.

Or "Now that I've untied these things, NOW what do I do?!"

So this week finds me with an unusually empty home. Well, not completely, the dog and the husband are here, but my children are not. Both my daughters are with their grandmother visiting this week. Actually, my oldest daughter has been there all summer helping her grandmother out after her hip replacement surgery. (BTW, she is doing very well thank you!) My youngest needed a change of pace and a break from the day to day she is happily spending the week reading to her heart's content. Me? Well, I am not sure. Sunday was a bit sad for me, that is when they left. I had such a hallowness in my chest, but I kept trying to shake it off telling myself I would be fine. I know this probably seems very silly to all of you. I mean, should'nt I be doing the 'woohoo kids out of the house' happy dance. Not my style guys, sorry. But I knwo I also shouldn't fall into despair because of it. So, I am going to the wise thing and keep myself busy. I started off Sunday going to a drum workshop, which BTW was excellent and oh so much fun. I came home and made a lovely but simple dinner for my husband and I. (Spinach and tomato salad topped with veggie burger strips and homemade yogurt dressing, yumm!) Yesterday I came home from work and just kinda wandered about. Today I am setting up a game plan for the rest of the week. I really want this week to be productive and happy! So here goes!

So far my plans are to:

1. Clean (really clean) my home
2. Organize my bedroom
3. Finish my weaving
4. Restring my mandolin
5. Make a wish list for school next year
6. Clean out fridge
7. Weed garden
8. Make several tinctures (lavender and lemon balm)
9. Read
10. Meditate

These are not in order of importance but rather what came to mind first. Notice the take care of myself items came up at the end of my thought process. I am sure that is not surprising because we woman do tend to do that.

I suppose that is what all this is about. As my children have grown up and have moved out on their own, I need to re-identify myself. I have been their mother for 25 years now. From the moment I conceived my son there has been nothing else that has consumed my thoughts as much as being a mother has. I understand I will always be their mother, but they no longer need me and I no longer can (nor do I want to) serve them in the same capacity. They need me now in such different and sometimes even deeper ways. I really do like our new relationships. We are developing a more companion sort of relationship. We speak on different levels, sometimes more openly, sometimes not. (I will always be Mommy after all and there are just some things you do not share with your mother ;-) ) But for sure it is a deeper and mutually respectful relationship. I really like the adults my children have become. They are moral, ethical and upright people. I like that they think for themselves, although they may find that hard to believe. (Hey, I've got my opinions too!) For the most part I am getting used to this 'Brave New World', I just have not quite figured out what to do with me yet.

So, let's say this week is my initiation into me finding what my next phase of life will be. I know my mind and heart is full of many seeds of possibility. I suppose that now the time has come to plant them and see what begins to sprout. Just imagine what this garden will look like!

Maybe the Village Wise Woman will emerge after all...



Note: Picture is from my dear friend 'Not Quite June Cleaver'. If you click link or the picture you will redirected to her wonderful site!

Welcome to Planet Earth, Please Fasten your Seatbelts

The youngest member on our family was born to my (step)daughter this past Sunday at 11:53 AM. After enjoying a quiet time in her mother's womb for nine months and a smooth and relatively easy labor, complications began to develop right at the end. When my (step)daughter arrived at the hospital she was already 9 cm. dilated and everyone was sure baby would wrapped in a blanket contentedly nursing in an hour. But an hour turned into two and when my (step)daughter's labor did not progress they decided to break her water bag. Once they did, they realized that Baby had a bowel movement prior to birth. Normally when this occurs, it is a small amount and mommy has to deliver slowly so baby does not ingest the meconium. Apparently mommy's water was quite green and filled with the babies meconium. After another hour or so which was accompanied by baby's lowered heart rate, they finally decided to perform a C-section. Mommy was of course, quite distressed. Thankfully, she had the support of her husband and other family members, all of us praying for her safety and that of the unborn baby. After what felt like hours and hours, our new baby entered the world. But that was not to be the end of that stage of her journey. Our little one was not breathing when she arrived and the doctors worked hard to get her little lungs working. On top of that, she had also ingested alot of the meconium and had to have that removed. My (step) daughter did not get to hold her daughter when she was born, but she did get tosee her. They shuttled our little one off to NICU and then sent her via helicopter to Philadelphia. (She was born in New Jersey). After several days of much worry and fervent prayers I am happy to tell you all that our dear grand baby is doing much better. She is off all of her medicines and is breathing almost completely on her own. Mommy and daddy are also well and are with baby everyday. Mommy pumps her milk to give her new daughter and has quite a supply already in the freezer! Although our little one is still in the hospital, we are looking forward to her homecoming, G-d willing, very, very soon.



NOTE: I really dislike the use of the term stepdaughter as she is very much my daughter. I simply use it to help you, the reader, understand the members and who makes my beautiful family.

Snow Day

Today it finally snowed and Philadelphia looks quiet lovely for it. There is not very much out there, maybe an inch or two, but schools are closed and office buildings are on a two hour delay. I am glad for it, very glad. About ten years ago you would have heard me complain about the fuss of closing schools for a whole inch of snow. After all, I grown up in Chi-town and we always had school unless there was an actual blizzard occurring. OK, that may be a slight exaggeration, but only slight. Many a recess was spent building snowmen and trying to actually make an actual igloo we could sit in. As I recall we got close once...I think someone brought one of those new snow block makers in. But now I sing a different tune. We have so few snow days any more, it would be a real travesty for the children not to be able to play in them as much as possible. As it is, I look outside and see that the snow is turning to rain, so unfortunately all this will make for is very dangerous driving and not many snowmen.

It makes me happy to think about a friend who called me early this morning to check and see if there was school today. She informed me that her children were already playing outside in the precious snow. I remember those days, my children all dressed and bundled up, ready to get outside bright and early. I miss snow days and I am so grateful for one today.

But you see that is just it, it's not just for the children, it's for me too, the grown-up, I need a snow day too. I need to stop and look at the wonder of a world covered in white. I need to extend a mitten covered hand and catch a snowflake and try to see if they are all truly different, even if science has already proven it. I need to stand outside and try to catch a few on my tongue, regardless of pollution and acid rain. I need to build a snowman with a carrot nose and coal eyes, even if it will melt by the end of the day. I need to throw myself on the ground and make a snow angel in spite of the fact that I will more than likely be making a slushy grass angel. I need a snow day to rediscover the wonder of a quiet walk in the woods, the clunky feeling of heavy winter boots and the cleansing feeling of breathing in snowy air. The only thing I am lacking is grilled cheese sandwiches and hot chocolate. I do have tomato soup though...care to join me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is my son at about 15 months old(c.1987)with his very first snowman. We borrowed his father's tie to spruce him up a bit. Good times!

Suspicious looking etrog???

While making his way through airport security, my son was questioned, not about liquids over 3 oz. but about the suspicious looking, funny shaped item in his carry-on suitcase. What, you ask could he possibly be carrying?? Why it was his ominous looking etrog! Obviously there was no problem and my son made sure to give the airport security the heads up that they may be seeing several more of these things coming through. One thing you have got to admit, they are on the ball here in Philly!

And I was worried about the lulav going through.

Letting go and Letting G-d parent my adult children

Yippee! My daughter is back home again after two weeks in Eretz Israel. Needless to say I am so happy. I missed her so much. I know it was only two weeks but it felt much longer to me.

You see, this twenty year old woman I had the privilege of birthing is not just my daughter, she is my friend. I realized how she has become so much of a friend to me while she was gone. It amazes me. Talk about beyond your wildest dreams! She is so much a part of everything I do and am, and yet she is very much her own person. That is the part that is not always so easy.

Parenting adults, I am convinced, is far harder than parenting the little ones. When they were little it seemed fairly obvious what my role was and what I was supposed to do. Guide them, protect them, feed and nurture them. Although these tasks were not always walks in the park for me, it was simple and clear cut as to what was expected of me as a parent.

Now that they are adults it does not seem so clear. For me it has been a struggle to strike a balance of respect for their person hood and knowing when to speak and knowing when to shut up. Yep, that shutting up is a toughie. Allowing her the space and trusting her is just downright frightening to me. Yes, I know she is capable and competent etc., but my own experiences scream out at me to say something! But you see, that is the problem. They are MY experiences not hers. I made some other than wise decisions in my life when I was her age. She on the other hand has a self worth and faith that I never had at that age that enables her to make such good decisions. Decisions that blow me away! She has a head on her shoulders that I never had. What can you say to that except, Baruch Hashem, Praise G-d!

And then there is the issue of emunah, absolute faith, in G-d. Knowing that He is far better able to guide her than I ever will be. That He loves her more than I do, and that He has her best interests more at heart than I do. It's a struggle for me, but a struggle in vain. What I mean to say is, why do I struggle? It is just more growing pains, but more for me than anyone. As I let her grow, I too will grow. To be sure, this time sure keeps me praying. What choice do I have? I could keep trying to control, but the only one I can control is me. I could continue to struggle and fight but I am fighting with no one but myself.

I know I am still needed and necessary, but in a far different way. She still needs me to guide, protect, feed and and nurture her but in a deeper and not so obvious way. The trick is in figuring this out, and since I am just starting out on the leg of the journey it is a trick I have not yet mastered. So I guess the best thing for me to do is to 'let go and let G-d', which is a decision that is not easy because, well, I am me after all, but it is the one that will not only benefit me, but everyone I love too.

Wish me luck!

Three things that bring me joy

I am feeling kinda blah these days. Lotsa reasons, but I am sure none are really good enough. So I am trying to think of things that bring me joy. Here are three things that for sure bring a smile to my face.

1. My daughter sneaking up beside me a kissing my cheeks.

2. Hearing my son's voice on the phone, or these days, on the computer.

3. Listening to my youngest sing.

Oh yes, and this picture. Miss Kitty makes me smile.

Bumped

As soon as we arrived at the airport check in they asked if my son wanted to volunteer to be bumped.

Bumped?

'What is that?' I asked.

Ya'aqov informed me that this is a most desirable thing since, although it postpones his flight for a day, (he is now leaving tomorrow)it also means getting a free round trip ticket.

'Oh wow!' I thought, 'this is great!'

But sheesh, the waiting for three hours to see if he was actually going to get bumped and then the figuring out what do we do now. The drive all the way back to Philly. Emotions, etc... Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to have my son home one more day. I am thrilled he is going to now have another ticket to get back to Israel another year. But I am not thrilled that I will not be able to see him off at the airport.

:::sigh:::

We ordered a 'limo' service to pick him up and deliver him to the airport.

:::heavy sigh:::

I just really like being able to see him off.

I know he's a 'big boy', but how does that preclude me from having all my mommy emotions.

Maybe I am not so mature after all.

JFK...again

As I am typing this my son is behind me, looking like the prince he is, praying for the last time this summer in my home. In approximately 40 minutes we will be leaving for JFK airport. I wrote my plane letter to him last night. Most of what I wrote, I said to him many times this year. But I think you need to have that plane letter. I always want my children to know how proud I am of them and how much I love them. I know they do, but I never want to leave room for even a shadow of a doubt.

I helped him pack his clothes last night. That always feels good. Maybe it gives me a feeling of, 'he still needs me', even if for only a little bit. Y'know, it's what happens when you pour your heart and soul into your children. You pour everything you know, all the love you have. You pray and pray and pray. And then one day you look and :::POOF::: the little boys turns around and what comes walking back to you is a man. Tall and strong, explaining the mysteries and Torah and the absoluteness of halacha to you. It's amazing and it is all I have ever dreamed of. B'ezrat Hashem, he will continue to grow from strength to strength.

Each year feels differently. I do not feel the heart wrenching of the first year or even what I felt last year. (Last year we were at a Simply Tsfat concert from where we directly left for JFK...what a send off!) Maybe I am maturing, maybe not. My heart aches when I think of not sitting and talking with him at the table. I feel a deep sadness when I think about not seeing him walk in the door every evening or seeing his silhouetted body donned in tallit and tefillin praying in the early hours of the day. But I have an even deeper joy when I think of my mighty one, returning to our Homeland and setting himself to learn and to grow closer to the Master of the Universe. I feel a strength when I think that all he is doing and all is he wrestling with helps keeps the earth on it's axis and on a more intimate level, blesses my very own family with abundance of life! I have told him, his job in our family is of vital importance. He is doing the job, that right now none of us here can do. He is being such a blessing to us and to K'lal Israel.

My prayer is that Hashem continue to give him and all our children the strength to continue learning and growing. I pray that he continues to grow in Torah and mitzvot and closeness with Hashem. That all that he does, and all that we do, and all that k'lal Israel does, will bring the final redemption speedily and in our day. Amen v'amen

Newest member to the blog universe

He didn't want to do it, but he done it! My son, wise beyond his years and sometimes way too intense for his simple farmgirl Imma has joined the big, wide, world of bloggers. Go check him out and see if he doesn't get the wheels of your mind spinning.

http://www.advocateofthemind.blogspot.com/

Adventures in Weaving Part 2 : Houston, we have lift off!

Oh, rejoice with me, all ye peoples! Sing with me oh, weavers of old, for Philly Farmgirl, in true farmgirl fashion has set her hand to the plow, or this case the heddle, and is off and weaving!!!

Ok, 'nuf of that! °Ü°

In case you are wondering, yes, I have woven before. As a matter of fact, on several types of looms. But this time it was different. I always sat at a loom that was already set up for me, or that had a simple wrap around type warp, like a tapestry loom. I also had access to other weavers, in real life. This time I only had a couple of forums and websites to glean from. I set the warp, figured out the problems and I must say, I am quite satsified right now.

Alright, time to get back to weaving!


PS. My youngest daughter said to me, " I wonder how many sixteen year old girls can say they helped thier mother set up a loom. "

Kewl, huh?!

Everytime he comes home...

He cleans his room.
Nice, right? Good boy, right?
Right???
WRONG!!!

Everytime he cleans his room he throws things out.
He throws out things HE no longer needs.
Things he is no longer interested in.
Things that, as an adult are of no use to him.
Things that have memories...

for me.

Memories of a baby asleep in my arms.
Memories of a child who took his teddy bear everywhere.
Memories of a boy who collected bears and yo-yos.
memories of a teen who loved to skateboard and Bruce Lee.
Memories of a young man...
Memories of a young man who no longer is that baby...
that child...
that boy..
that teen...
The young man is grown man now,

and...

and I am so proud.

but, the truth is...

that man will forever remain...
the baby in my arms,
the child with the bear,
the boy practicing 'around the world' and 'rock the baby',
the teen who strove for the ultimate ollie and carried wax around with him.

and the man,
who works so late,
prays so early,
who loves Hashem,
and studies His Torah,
who never gives up,
and looks for the best,
the son of my womb,
and the pride of my heart.

The Cry of the Converso

You hate me because I survived.
You hate me because my family tried.
You hate me because they didn't want to see
their children brutalized.

You don't believe me because I don't know.
you don't believe me because we didn't know.
You don't believe me because my family just found out.

No matter how much you doubt, it's true!
No matter how much you doubt, I will prove it to you!
No matter how much you doubt...
Deep down inside I always knew.

No matter how little custom my family held onto,
No matter how little Jewish we may seem,
No matter how little faith my family had,
We still Believe.

I'll prove to you I am a Jew!
I'll prove it by doing any thing!
I'll prove it by immersing myself...
Because I am a Jew.

~Racheli Zohara bat Yael Nehama bat Karmit (Carmen Lydia) bat Sarah...

NOTE: This is a poem written by my daughter. The term Converso is used instead of marrano which is a horrible, derogatory term meaning pig. The Conversos, Crypto Jews, B'nei Anusim, are the 'fortunate' ones who somehow escaped the Spanish Inquisition physically (sadistic murder and torture of Jewish bodies and souls) but lost most, if not all of their Jewish connection. Some retained a residual trace of Judaism, but many do not even know why their family does the strange things they do. There may only be a trace of an oral tradition of the family being Jewish many, many years ago. But nobody talks about it. Many of these lost ones are returning home, Baruch Hashem, but not without a fight from family outside the Tribe and even among members of The Tribe. It is not an easy journey to be standing outside one's home, longing to come in and your brothers and sisters, who do not know or recognize you asking for proof of who you say you are. But prove it these lost ones do! Even to the point where the Converso will 'convert/return' to erase all doubt of their family lineage. Never again to have to hide! Never again to have anyone question who they are! Never again to stand outside in the cold, longing, waiting to be embraced by their family and warm themselves by the Fire of Torah. This ingathering has been said to be a precursor to the coming of Moshiach...please let it be soon and in our time.
Por favor, Di-s de mis padres, Di-s de Avraham, Yitzhak y Ya'akov, por favor ten piedad en tus ninos, en tus ninos que no estan regresado todavia, ayudalos por favor Abba, manda a el Moshiach rapido, rapido Abba, bimhierah b'yamienu!!!
Amen v'amen

My Lil' Farmgirl

You know how you can take an avocado seed and stick some toothpicks in it, place it in a cup of water and watch it take root over time. Well, guess what, you can actually grow the seed into a plant! My daughter has been growing this avocado plant now for about a year and a half (maybe two).She has nurtured it, watered it, replanted it and has been an all around good gardener. She is very proud of her plant and so are we!

Don't let the guard fall asleep

As I said on Friday my son was in Tsfat for shabbat. He called me a little before shabbat to ask me if I would do him a favor and cancel all his credit cards for him. "What happened?!" I gasped. He proceeded to tell me that his wallet had been stolen from the Holy Ari's mikveh. I could not believe it. I got the bank phone numbers for him and told him he should try to call before shabbat and then call me back. I waited and then I decided to call him on his cell phone. Someone else picked up and I thought it was one of his friends. He spoke in Hebrew. I asked where was my son and he told me he was in the beit ha knesset. I asked if he was a friend of Yaaqov's and he said something that I did not understand. He then told me he would speak with Yaaqov and tell him I called. OK, fine, shabbat shalom. A few minutes later, my son called back to tell me everything was cancelled and I told him how I had just tried to call him on his cell phone and that I thought he was in shul. That is when he told me they had also stolen his cellphone and his pants. You can only imagine my shock and how freaked I was. I had just had a conversation with the thief! Then the whole story unfolded as he explained how they had stolen his pants and everything in them from the mikveh. A nice man gave him a long coat to walk out of the mikveh. My son also did not have a kippah so as he was walking through Tsfat wrapped in a coat, another very nice man, a Chabadnik, came along and asked him if he realized he lost his kippah.(I can only imagine he was trying not to embarrass my son any more than I am sure he already was.) My son told him the whole story and was helped further by him.

As my son is relating all this to me I am beginning to think all kinds of evil, vengeful thoughts. I share some of this with my son and he says, "No Mommy. Hashem should forgive him of his sins and let him live a long and happy life." I couldn't believe it. I felt ashamed of myself, thinking of this tzaddik of a son I merited to give birth to.

I really thought hard about it and so I decided to ask Hashem to forgive the thief and that this should be a kappara for my son. I thanked Hashem that my son was safe and for being the tzaddik that he is.

When I called his host family today they told me that my son did not let any of it get him down and he just had an amazing shabbat. I thanked Hashem again, telling Him how much I loved Him for His kindness to me and my family. My son called today and baruch Hashem he is safely back in Yerushalayim. He is well and Hashem is taking care of him.

Meanwhile back at the ranch, I have been doing a lot of praying and soul searching. I realized how I had let the guard fall asleep at the gate. That I was not praying and that I need to pray more often and consistently. I also need to relearn over and over the lesson that everything, mamash, EVERYTHING Hashem does is for our good. That He loves us and only wants what is best for us.

Because of this, I put my all into shabbat this week as sadness was trying to make itself very comfortable in my heart. I bought extra food and special fruits and treats in honor of Shabbat, Tu b'shvat and our guests that were joining us. I have the custom to light candles in the merit of Tzadikkim, so along with my candle I light for Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, I also lit a candle in the merit of the Holy Ari zal of Tsfat. I am pleased to tell you we had a lovely and peaceful shabbat.

I have to also tell you the yetzer hara did take this opportunity to try and scare me into not wanting to move to Israel and especially to Tsfat. "You REALLY STILL want to go THERE?! Are you kidding? It is not safe! You see what happened? etc...yadda, yadda, yadda, blah, blah, blah." After a few seconds of dumbfounded silence I finally regained my composure after the pummeling I received and responded emphatically, YES!

YES, I STILL WANT TO GO AND NOW, MORE THAN EVER!

Homesick

So, my son is in Tsfat this Shabbat. How kewl is that? He said there are a lot of new buildings up since the bombings. Baruch Hashem! It feels so good to know he is there. Somehow it feels like I am there too. It is like the first time he called me from the Kotel. He was so excited, so was I. I thought to myself 'he made it'! I felt like I had too. Now he is there is Tsfat and I feel I am there too. My heart is aching right now, my longing is so very intense to be home. I am praying someday soon to board the plane back home for good...but for now I am comforted to know part me is already there.

Special Guest Post From Racheli

It has occurred to me that this life, in which we seem to always take for granted, is exceptionally difficult to handle. Many people you will soon discover as you get older seem to give up and allow the media to control their difficult times by succumbing to the all too well known word, “drugs”. Whether it be over the counter or under, whether legal or illegal, it seems we can’t seem to live with out some sort of way of numbing our existence, leaving us temporarily lost in another universe. This happens to be only a bittersweet existence since after the drug wears off we find that unlike what we have just experienced time has gone on as usual and we have merely missed out on perhaps another chance to change what is our uncomfortable way of life.

“I give up!” an all too common phrase, “I’ve had enough I can’t take this anymore!” Why do we give up? Why do we loose hope? It reminds me of when you discipline a child by putting him in 'time out', turning on the timer for a few minutes, after which the child is waiting patiently for the timer to be up, then, when the child thinks that the timer is never going to be up he runs out of his place in a fury which only causes the parent to have to extend the discipline further. If only the child would have known that a few more seconds the timer would have been up and the punishment finished without it being prolonged any longer. You would think the same with us. Things really don’t change as we get older. If only we would wait a little bit longer and right when we feel we can’t take it anymore we would just fight a little bit longer we would make it through the struggles.

We like to blame our problems on our current situation; stress, be it family related, work, friends, or just day to day things such as problems with a leak in the faucet or some such nonsense in the house. We explain this as the reason for our blow-ups, and only if we had an easier life would we be more agreeable. Why must we blame all our problems on everything but the real source of them, ourselves. What is it that makes us blame everything but ourselves? Fear? That seems to be the root of a lot of our failures. Failures to thrive, to work to live, to do anything. We are afraid to fail, to be embarrassed, hurt, to be happy or sad, it stops us from truly accomplishing our goals. “I can’t do this I’ve been hurt to many times or I can’t be responsible for this project my last one blew up!” You might even have the habit of repeating a mantra to yourself “you can do it! You can do it!” before you do anything thing but there always seems to be that creeping notion of how you really can’t. What can we do to overcome this sensation of fear? How many books have been written upon it, lectures, essays all saying basically the same thing. This is the modern age we want quick fixes, easy outs and a lot of “everything is going to be ok”. Well you know what it isn’t! We can’t sit around and think everything is going to work out if we do nothing about it! We need to drop the medication, the therapist, and settle down into ourselves and make things right before more of our lives get caught up in this horrible mentality of helplessness. Can we do it alone? NO! G-d made other human beings upon this planet and He did not make us hermits. We are here to learn from each other and grow together. We have answers staring us right in the face but we push them down because they are too difficult and again those terrible feelings of “I can’t do it” come creeping in. Rabbi Yaakov Hillel said that anything that is cheap is not truth. All the therapists and counselors that seem to know all the answers for you by telling you what medicine to take and what husband to divorce without giving you the benefit of the doubt that you can actually work at something and figure things out on you own. It feels so amazing when you work at something so hard and accomplish it. But please don’t misunderstand me, while you are in the muck of things and there seems to be know end in sight, you just can’t take it anymore and you want to give up, Rebbe Nachman said to “Never give up! If you believe you can break something, have faith that you can repair it.” There is always hope. HA KADOSH BARUCH HU did not leave us alone.

My punny student

As my son was trying to make his way through the dining room he found he was road blocked by my youngest and I finishing up our geography lesson. He apologized for interrupting us, to which my dear daughter replied, "No problem, we were just having a heated discussion about the equator!"



ba-dum-bump

Does it get ever get easier??

My son is leaving next Sunday for yeshiva in Yerushalayim. I keep telling myself it will be easier this time. I am not so sure though. I can't help but think that in two weeks I will not be hearing him singing from his bedroom at the top of his lungs to Adi Ran. He won't be calling me on erev shabbat to ask if there is anything I need him to pick up for me at the store. I am not trying to be morose here...it is just the way I am feeling today. I know it is what right, he thrives in Eretz Israel and he is happy there. What mother doesn't want their child to be happy? I just thought it would be easier this time and it doesn't feel like it.
Shabbat Shalom chaverim, I am off to finish getting ready and focus on being b'simcha.

Happenings in my side of the Universe

1. My beloved children both arrived safely in JFK airport on the 20th of June from Eretz Israel. It was such an amazing time of anticipation for their father and I. We were both so nervous (can you imagine?) and so excited about them getting back! As we were waiting for them to come out of customs, I wondered what they would look like, how they were going to do with reentry, how tired would they be, etc.? After waiting for what felt like hours and hours we finally saw them. They there were, Ya'akov my yeshiva bochur and Racheli radiating Tsfat, it was amazing! After my initially squeals, hugs and kisses, we started for our journey back to Philly. It was all so strange to them and ironically foreign. Their father asked if they were happy to be home and he was answered with dead silence from the back seat. I looked at him and laughed, "What kind of question is that? Ask if they are happy to see us?"
"Well, are you happy to see us?" He was quite relieved by the zealous "Yes!" that resounded from the back seat! So far they seem to be doing well, Ya'akov busy getting his learning seder set up and Racheli doing her best to recover from jet lag. She misses her friends very much so I am sure that adds to it. What are they going to do from here? Only Hashem knows for sure. They both want to return to Eretz Israel, and B'ezrat Hashem they will.

2. I am teaching ballet again! Yippee! It is so much fun to teach the little ones again. I taught many years ago and quite honestly figured those days were done. Well, thankfully I was wrong. It all started with one mommy asking if I knew anyone who taught ballet. I said, yes as a matter of fact I do, me! She was so pleased and we started talking about the possibilities of teaching dance to some girls. I am happy to say I have two classes now, pre-ballet and ballet 1!

3. Along with everything else I try to squeeze in to learn, I am busy trying to keep up with my doula skills. G-d willing, I will have a new mommy this month and I am so looking forward to attending this birth. This lady is a special friend of mine and it is an honor for me to have been chosen to be her doula. But, truth be told, being a doula is an incredible honor and privilege.

4. My little one that I care for is growing and talking by leaps and bounds! I do not have her as often now since mommy is a work at home mommy, when I do have her (about twice week now) she keeps me on my toes! She is a real snuggle bunny and quite generous with her hugs.:::sigh::: I really love my jobs!

5. For the past two weeks we have had a little one staying with us. What a delight he is, but as all young mothers know, what hard work! He is a very bright and busy fellow who is filled with the simcha of life! Thank G-d, I have help with my girls but along with the other day to day goings on, classes, shopping, and general happenings it makes for a full life for all.

Mother's Day

Every year my beloved family always plans something very special for me for Mother's Day. I am always surprised and I am always so blessed by the whole process. They pack a picnic lunch and off we go to whatever destination they have chosen, usually a beach and a lighthouse. This year with the older two away I wasn't sure what was going to be. I have to admit I was a little sad not having them here and I truly was not expecting much of anything. Well, they surprised me nonetheless with this lovely picture you see here handmade by my youngest Tzivya! I was speechless when I saw it...then she told me the story behind it. The blue and white lighthouse is the Jewish people shining the light of Torah and mitzvot. The ship is the S.S. Moshiach soon coming into port. I also saw the moon as the Jewish people constantly renewing themselves as the moon does and the night sky darkest before the dawn. And of course 'we are the sheep of His pasture.' I could not believe she actually had time to do this for me with our busy schedules.

They also bought me these two marvelous books I had been wanting for some time now."The Light and the Fire of the Baal Shem Tov" and "Through Fire and Water, the Life of Reb Noson"







CAPE MAY LIGHTHOUSE NJ
Afterwards we packed up our lunches and left for Cape May NJ! What a wonderful day it turned out to be! The ocean waves were dark green and crashing everywhere due to the full moon. The sky was grey and stormy. It was all so powerful and very high energy! We were there for some time and I felt renewed by it all. What started out as a blase day turned out to be such a precious gift from my family and Hashem, who always has such compassion on me.