Searching for the Hidden Joy

Adar is a particularly interesting month. We are taught that Mishenichnas Adar Marbim B'Simcha, when Adar arrives our joy increases. Adar is about what is hidden, concealed and Adar is about potential. The potential to grow and to change darkness into light. It seems appropriate to have this month at the very beginnings of the spring when the earth is just beginning to wake from her long winter slumber. Seeds and plants that have been resting all winter are beginning to peek their heads up out of the earth and buds are appearing on trees everywhere. I suppose this why 'When Adar comes our joy increases', because the joy has always been there, it was just hidden. It was resting and nourishing that which it needed to and now the time has come for it to slowly spring forth!




The Hebrew letter that is associated with the month of Adar is kuf. The kuf is the one letter that decends below the surface and symbolizes that in adar the potential is there to go deeper. The letter kuf is the the proverbial "eye of the needle". It is the absurd difficulty before us, 'trying to get the camel, elephant, (pick your animal) through the eyes of the needle. The kuf also stands for "Kof" or monkey and symbolizes laughter.



The astrological sign of Adar is Dagim or Pisces. Have you ever gone to the river's edge and gaze into the water at first seeing nothing and then all of a sudden tiny fish appear everywhere! Fish live hidden beneath the waters. Fish swallow by their prey and According to the gemara in Esther Rabbah 7:11, "Fish swallow by their prey, but can be swallowed too!" It is a continual cycle of nourishment, of life and death and dark and light. All neutral and necessary.

Inside the sukkah 5769

I really delight in decorating my sukkah. As you see it is very simple but we call it home. I put pictures of tzaddikim, particularly sephardic, (hey, I'm proud, what can I say?) one of the future beit hamikdash (soon and in our time!) and others. I have some leaf garland hanging with tiny orange lights that give the sukkah a very warm glow.
This is where we place our candles and anything we may need food, extra paper products etc..
This is where we eat. You'd be surprised how many people we can fit here!
The sukkah is on our front porch off of my living room. The windows ensure us of not having to worry too much if the eruv goes down on shabbat.
Thanks for visiting! Please be sure to have a snack and make a bracha! Chag sameach!

Some good and healthy pre sukkot advice

Supersize amounts of food have infiltrated my home for some time now and as we all know superzing food only adds up to a Supersized me and you. It is especially hard during shabbat and the chaggim to have control, and especially sukkot when it seems all you do is eat. On top of that there are so many wonderful fall recipes to try out and that I want to make plenty of.

If you are anything like me, you make enough food to feed your family and another ta boot. For some reason I am always afraid there is not going to be enough to go around. I know it makes no sense at all but I am pretty sure it's genetic. °Ü° Lately I have been trying to make more reasonable amounts of food.

After reading Rabbi Brody's post here on eating well during the chag and keeping the weight off I am re-inspired to mend my ways for mine and my family's sake and the sake of my guests. I always try to make healthy foods but even those foods in excess are not necessarily good. Besides I am not above putting excess brown sugar on my yams. I am going to endeavor not to do it this year. If you happen come by my sukkah this year I am planning to have healthy yummy food to eat and healthy snacks to enjoy. Even more than that though, we will have the sweet fellowship to enjoy and the joy, peace and simply beauty that flows from the holiness of the sukkah.

Post Yom Kippur ramble

Yom Kippur is over and I pray that you all had a very meaningful fast. I am grateful to be able to tell you that I did, although I worked very hard for it. Kol nidre always sets my mind and heart reeling and I honestly could not tell you why. I have no absolute thought pattern going on, I just get this awesome anxiety that comes over me. I really tried very hard to be into very moment and read the prayers in English regardless of if I knew them in Hebrew. Let's be honest, rattling through a bunch of 'al chets' just doesn't mean as much or hit home as hard as 'For the sin of tale bearing' etc, does. I mean that just gets me every time. 'Yeah, did that, crud did that too, ouch...' I feel so awful and truly want to do better. I think it is a pretty good moral inventory, so no matter where you are holding there is always room for marked improvement.

Where my working hard came in was not allowing negativity and worry to take over. There are some things happening in my life that could have me very nervous if not downright frightened if I let them. But I keep fighting that, knowing that worry is praying in the negative. All during the services if I allowed my focus to drop, worry would come scampering in like a pesky rodent trying to get me to focus on it. I fought and fought and made it through each of the services. During the break it came back again and again I fought. Actually, I don't know if fighting is the right word, more like I refocused my attention. Yes, this is a better description.

I don't know if it was me but it sure seemed to me that there were alot more folks really into the davening this year. The energy felt higher, felt more intense. I don't know what was different about this year but it surely seemed that way and it was good. I pray that all of that kavana, all of the earnestness of prayer reached the portals of Heaven and we will see a real shift in the cosmos.

It's so amazing to me the ease of the fast itself too. Again I don't know if it's the kedusha of the day or what but I was not even hungry the whole day. The worse I felt was a heavy head and mostly I was tired. I did take a break during shacharit and sat outside in the lobby just reading prayers and having some one on one with the One. This too was very good.

I am grateful to have my whole family together with me during the chaggim. It is the first time in three years. I have come to a point to mark these moments and not take them for granted. I focus on the good and am grateful for each moment.

Well, I guess I am done rambling for now. Thanks for letting me share. Again, I hope you also had a meaningful day and that you and yours and me and mine are all sealed for blessing in all ways this year. That we are blessed with excellent health, parnasa, hatzlacha, simcha and much shalom. May our tefillot rise to shamayim and bring about the change in the universe and in this world that we all truly need. Blessings and peace to us all.

Next up, Yom Kippur

Keeping up with the chaggim as a preschool teacher has more than it's fair share of challenges and insights. Today we were back at school with only today, half a day tomorrow and two days next week to prepare for Yom Kippur. I think you would be surprised at all there is for the children to learn about this chag. I decided to start with the story of Yonah. I used the Artscroll children's version of the book of Yonah and read it loosely from the text. I adore reading to children and am particularly fond of voices and dramatizing the story. The children sat through the whole story which is no easy feat for active 3-5 year olds. They asked alot of great questions like, "Why was Yonah upset at Hashem for saving Nineveh?" Neat, huh?

I love this story because much like Yonah I do not get Hashem sometimes. Where is the justice, the vengeance? The people of Nineveh were bad people, really bad, they deserved their come uppance, didn't they? Even now there are bad, truly evil people inhabiting the planet and yet, they continue to breathe. I just don't understand, but I suppose like Yonah, how Hashem deals with them is really none of my business. Heck, I even happen to have a fig tree outside my home and I could sit there and pout about it, but my luck the worm would miss the tree and eat my lavender plants.

See the thing is, if that were the case we surely would not be reading this story at Yom Kippur because this story is not about paybacks or getting what we deserve. It is about teshuva and forgiveness. Tough ones aren't they. It is also about not being able to run away from G-d. Try as you might apparently there is just no getting away from the Creator. It is amazing story of Hope and of Divine Love.

After reading the story of Yonah, I reflected a bit. Although I do not plan on wearing sackcloth and ashes or sticking my dog in sackcloth and making him fast next Thursday, (all the people of Nineveh, young and old and all their livestock wore sackcloth and fasted) I will don white, fast and I will pray and I will mean what I say. I will try to do and try to be better and I will even try to forgive.

Forgiveness is never easy, forgiving others is difficult, (no matter how Big or small they are), but to be sure forgiving myself is by far the hardest.

Boy oh boy, am I glad I am not G-d.

Purim Katan

I am so clueless as to the significance of Purim Katan...I keep wondering if it means we just get a little drunk?
I am kidding of course, so in my searchings, I came across this blog and this post. Closest thing I have come to something to enlighten me on this subject.

Mincha Exposed...Happy Purim!

Post Holiday Hangover

OK, before you all start thinking ill of me, I am not writing of an alcohol induced hangover. I am simply describing the exhaustion and fog I am feeling right now after all the excitement of the chaggim. I have been moving on fast forward for what feels like so long now that to actually try to get back into the day to day is a bit surreal. Talk about slamming on the breaks and changing directions! Don't misunderstand, I welcome the mundane with open arms right now. After coming from the spiritual intensity of these particular holidays, I need the routine to try to incorporate what I have learned. I just have to try and slow down now to enjoy the scenery.
Today is a rainy gray day that is adding to my blahs exponetially. :::wink to OTR:::
In Israel this is a blessing, I am not so sure the same applies here in chutz l'aretz. (Of course rain is a blessing, obviously we need it...but here, well here in Philadelphia it just feels like 'blah'. Are you loving the vocab here?)
Last night one of our local synagogues had a hachnasat sefer torah, (welcoming of a new torah scroll). That was an especially good feeling after all the joy of simchat torah. This did help some with my post holiday blues.
Ah well, like the song goes...back to life, back to reality.
On the bright side of things, I do have a weaving that has been whispering to me for days to work on...and there is all that yarn...oh yes, and the fabric:::sigh, I feel better already!:::

Kapparot

I suppose there will be many, many firsts in my journey through and in Judaism. I know as each year goes by my realization of the significance of everything becomes deeper and with more understanding. I have wondered at times why we do the things we do and then after doing them the light bulb goes off. Kapparot has been one of these occasions. My husband and I walked to our synagogue today under the darkness of a predawn sky. There I stood with him, waiting in the rain to get my hen. As their clucks rose sporadically, I felt such a tenderness and sadness for these precious birds. When I received her, I caressed my dear hen who was not in any way an atonement for my sins but a clear reminder of what could happen to me, of what I could be deserving of. The rain falling on us seemed all too appropriate as I said my prayer, "This is my exchange...I shall proceed to a good, long life and peace." As I walked away the sobs came. It was all so very clear to me now, how merciful Our Creator is. He reminds me of who I am, good and bad. He calls me to Himself and loves me so deeply. On this Erev Yom Kippur I pray I come to deep and real teshuvah. I pray that the Holy One of Israel finds me and all of His beloved children favorable. That He gives us all a decree of goodness, long life and shalom, with the coming of His Moshiach and the rebuilding of the Beit HaMikdash (Holy Temple) speedily in our day. Amen v'amen
Wishing all a Gmar Chatima Tovah!

Last Night of Chanukah...our Chanukiah

The last night of Chanukah was very quiet for us. Just the family at home. It was really wonderful. I thought I would share some pics of our chanukiah with you all. It really is beautiful all lit up. It is my prayer that we also continue to grow in mizvot and torah, growing more and more beautiful as each day passes, hastening the coming of Moschiach, speedily in our time.

Some Chanukah Thoughts

I really love Chanukah! There are lots of reasons, many very personal, but right now I am thinking about the whole concept of new beginnings and rededication. The ideas of teshuvah (repentance) and returning home. The story of Chanukah, the threat of assimilation and the fight for religious freedom. The small army of Maccabees defeating the great Antiochus' army. The disaster that the Beit HaMikdash (Holy Temple)was in, being desecrated with idolatry. The cleaning up afterwards, and of course the miracle of oil, talk about something from nothing! I have been reading some of Rebbe Nachman's writings and I think this has really fueled these ideas. Basically it is never too late to begin again! No matter what a mess our own lives may be in, no matter where we have slacked off, even given in, we can rededicate ourselves to the Most High! Often when we have made such a mess of things we feel like we have nothing to give Hashem. We may feel like we are empty and do not even have the strength to begin again. Barukh Hashem, the miracle of the oil of the menorah teaches us that Hashem can take the tiniest bit of oil, the tiniest bit of what we have, and make it blaze for eight days. There is much more significance to all of this, deeper and loftier, but this is just the simple lesson that I am learning this year. It is amazing to me that we learn what is most needful to us in our specific situation! The depths of torah and the lessons of the chaggim (holidays) are endless! I pray all of you have a very bright and joyous chanukah and that you too learn the lesson that is needful to your neshama (soul)!
Chanukah Sameach!

Sixth Night of Chanukah and Shabbat

Tonight is the sixth night of Chanukah, Shabbat, Rosh Chodesh Tevet and parsha Miketz. In other words, it's a big 'un! During the week when we light the chanukiah, we light at twilight about 13 minutes after sunset. But since tonight is shabbat we must light the chanukiah BEFORE we kindle the shabbat lights. Since we light the shabbat candles 18 minutes BEFORE sunset we must be careful to light the chanukiah before this time. Motzei Shabbat (After Shabbat) is another story. We light the chanukiah after havdalah at home or before havdalah when we are at the synagogue.

"The debate whether lighting Chanukah candles or reciting Havdalah comes first has been partially resolved. The accepted practice for Shul is to light Chanukah candles first. The question regarding what to do at home has not been resolved (accept for Sefardim who recite Havdalah first). One should consult with his Rav for guidance. One should also consult with parents or family elders to see if there is a specific tradition regarding this issue in his family."



Chanukah Sameach and Shabbat Shalom!

Fourth Night of Chanukah

I cannot believe it is already the fourth night! The chanukiah is already half way lit and is beginning to shine ever so brightly! It has so far been such a lovely time. Mostly we are spending it with family sharing our hearts. Of course there is plenty of eating to be done, so I thought I would share a recipe for potato latkes with a Spanish twist that I have made this week with you. Now since I do not actually follow a recipe I am approximating it. But I am sure many of you also cook this way too so you will forgive me. Most Chanukah foods are fried with lots of oil to commemorate the miracle. I know, I know, not at all good for you, but look at this way, it is only once a year.

°Ü°

Potato Latkes

Shred as many potatoes as you think your family will eat. With five adults and three children in our family that night we shred about 20 small ones and they were all GONE!

Add three eggs

1/2 cup matzah meal give or take

Adobo, sprinkled generously! This is a wonderful blend of spices that adds just the perfect zest! There are brands without MSG so look for those. I really like LaFlor (O-U)

I also add some garlic and onions but not too much.

Mix it all together and let it set a few minutes.

I use about half an inch of oil in my iron skillet and let it get good and hot. Please be very careful and make sure the children are out of the kitchen. I use the end of a wooden spoon to test if it is hot enough. I place the end in and if bubbles come up it is time to fry!

I make patties a little smaller than my palm and place them in the fry pan until the edges are golden. Then I flip them and let them cook checking to make sure they do not burn on the other side. They are wonderful just golden brown. My family gobbled them up! I bet yours will too!

Second Night of Chanukah

The second night of Chanukah was even more wonderful than the first! (Of course that is the whole idea...as the light increases so does our joy and many other spiritual aspects but I shall save that for another time) Last night was our Hebrew School's big Chanukah Party and it was such a blast! I could not believe that a large crowd had turned out. I was a bit concerned because Uncle Moishy was in town too, and he is a hard one to compete with. Even so, we were FILLED to capacity and on top of that Fox 29 News was there too! They interviewed one of our beloved Rabbis and our hard working and most beloved Principal. I could not get over the crowd!

After our Rabbi shared a little on the miracles and holiness of the holiday, he made the brachot (blessings) and lit our very large chanukiah. We all sang songs, rejoicing and clapping to the music! It is amazing that something that happened so very long ago still fills us with such joy and gratitude!

The children from our three classes each did a presentation. Kita Aleph sang songs, as did Kita Bet. My class, Kita Gimel, put on a short play about Chanukah and they did wonderfully! :::proud smile::: We had crafts there for the children to do, sand art and a project to make their own chanukiah. There were games and prizes and even a One Man Band! A Rabbi from our community had a Chanukah store set up with all kinds of gifts and educational toys to sell just in case you had extra gelt (Yiddish for money) to spend! And of course there was sufganiyot (Israeli jelly donuts) to over flowing with other snacks and drinks. What a wonderful time we had!

Shemini Etzeret and love of time with the family

I recently learned this and I think this is so precious. Shemini Atzeret literally means "the assembly of the eighth (day)." I was just taught that this day is much like when a King has a huge feast who has invited all His subjects to share in. The subjects all leave when all is said and done but the King has enjoyed himself so much that He asks us his family to stay another day. He just wants this extra day to be alone with us. Sukkot is a holiday intended for all of mankind, but when Sukkot is over, the Creator invites the Jewish people to stay for an extra day, for a more intimate celebration. I think this is so beautiful, so tender. Shemini Etzeret/Simchat Torah, such a time of rejoicing in the love of our King, our Creator, our Father!

Feeling so emotional

I am not sure what is up with me. Could be because it is erev Yom Kippur or because I haven't gotten to speak with my son yet and he will soon be bringing the fast. I don't know, I just feel so weepy...and no, nothing hormonal is happening this moment. How can it be that this morning I was feeling so well and now I just want to cry and cry. This is such a holy time and time of judgment and forgiveness. A time of teshuva and beginning anew. I believe Hashem will forgive all of us His children but I still have this nervous twinge in my stomach. I know His love for me, for all of us is immense but I still feel this way. I suppose it would be the same way if I were meeting an earthly monarch. Standing before a king is no casual occurrence. One does ready oneself and there is that intense feeling of awe and fear. I am not afraid in as much as I think I am going to be ZAPPED ( well, at least I hope not) but I do have a fear. The King of Kings, the King of the Universe, Master of all will be/ has been convening court. While I do not presume to understand any of this, it sends jolts all through me. Forgiveness is such a gift, but not to be taken lightly. We must not take it lightly, I must not take it lightly. I want to truly start anew. I look forward to Kol Neidre, with trepidation to be sure but I look forward to it nonetheless. Such a holy time, such an emotional time. I suppose my feelings are just that, my feelings. I wish you all gmar chatimah tovah and an easy and very meaningful fast. May we all be sealed with good health, good life, parnasa and growth in torah and mitzvot!

L'shana tovah and an update

Greetings all,
First I want to wish everyone a very happy and healthy new year! I know it has been sometime since I have blogged here, I have missed you all. Indeed, "Life is what happens to you while you are busy making other plans." The holidays, although later this year than last, came upon me so quickly. The month of Elul (September) seemed to fly by me. I think with Ya'akov leaving and school starting up here again it took me a bit to find my feet again. But little by little we are getting back into the swing of things, even with the hectic schedule of the Chaggim (holidays) upon us.
I know so many of you have been eagerly waiting for an update on my son Ya'akov and I do apologize for the delay. First, I want to thank all who have kept him and my family in their prayers, they are much appreciated. He is doing so well, Baruch HaShem! His studies are going well and he enjoys them so much. It is amazing to me how much he is learning and how he gives it over to me. He even has a few "candy classes" as he calls them, things like "Jewish Philosophy in Contemporary Issues," that he really enjoys. I had to laugh when he called them "candy classes," they sound pretty intense to me, but then again, since he also studying Chumash, Rashi, gemara etc. I am sure that the English classes are rather relaxing for him.
He has gone on several trips since he has been there. Of course as I said in an earlier post they go to the Kotel every week. They have also been to the Dead Sea and he floated in it. He said you actually cannot sink in it, you just kind of bob around! He has also been to the Kineret, Tiberius and the Holocaust Museum. There he heard a survivor speak. Of course one can only imagine the intensity of that experience. We have several survivors here in the neighborhood and when I saw their tattoos it sent shivers down my spine, I was in the presence of miracles. Motzei Yom Kippur, he is travelling to the holy city of Tzfat (G-d willing)! He will be there for shabbat and I am so excited for him!
We speak several times a week, thank G-d for a good friend providing us with a very inexpensive calling card to Israel. He is eager to receive our letters too. A young lady in the neighborhood told us it is a very big deal to receive mail in school so I am really trying to be diligent about sending him letters.
Racheli is busy finishing up her final credits for high school and getting her things in order so she can also go to Israel for school. She is hoping to leave for the spring semester. She was just hired as a mother's helper for several hours a day. It is just two doors down from where I nanny so that is kind of neat! She will be caring for two little fellas and helping Mama make supper, straighten up, etc. She is excited as that money will all go for her trip to Israel. I am excited for her as she will have opportunity to see how another household is run.
Tzivya is bearing up with school well but we will be dropping out after the Chaggim. I simply do not like the program for our family (I am sure other families are enjoying success so this is no reflection on the actual K12 High School program). My daughter, although trying very hard to stay and do her work b'simcha (with joy), is very unhappy and as I have said before we did not homeschool to be unhappy. So I am presently looking into the PAHomeschoolers High School diploma program and the Susquehanna High School Diploma Program and decide between the two. I still have curriculum so I do not think there will be much if any of a financial issue. Besides, with all the work she is doing in school I am not able to squeeze any lifeskills, homemaking and Torah studies in there and that is not acceptable.
The holidays started off very nicely. We ate home both nights and were invited out for both lunches. With the services being what they are we did not eat until almost 3PM but it suited well. The first day just flew by! By the time we were done with the davening (praying) it was 2:30, then we went to lunch at a friend's home. After that was finished it was almost 4:30. We went home for a short bit and left for shul (synagogue) to be there to daven mincha (afternoon prayers) and then to go to tashlich. We go to a lovely park about a mile from our home that has a nice stream in it. In spite of the cloudy day and the stream being very low it was an uplifting experience. I just love seeing everyone out and about. Almost everyone goes there for tashlich from all the different synagogues. When we lived in Lancaster it was a less dramatic experience as we used to just walk across the pasture to the cow creek. °Ü° Convenient yes, but not communal.
When this was all said and done is was almost time for ma'ariv (evening prayers) and time to eat again! Our meal was simple the second night since we had ample left overs and no one was really hungry after our delicious lunch out.
The second day was a bit longer but not much. The services ended a bit sooner as did lunch. I visited with another friend later in the day as did my girls. My beloved went home and rested a bit before he walked over to retrieve me and we in turn went to retrieve my youngest. We were home for a while and then another friend come over until Rosh Hashanah ended. Although a bit longer it was a very beautiful day.
Well, I suppose this post is long enough. I am going to try to post more often and not as long. This will be a real trick for me °Ü°
G'mar chatima tovah!