Day to day, or not so often, musings and bemusings of a frum farmgirl, and mother living in Philadelphia and her family and homelife adventures.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
Feeling so emotional
I am not sure what is up with me. Could be because it is erev Yom Kippur or because I haven't gotten to speak with my son yet and he will soon be bringing the fast. I don't know, I just feel so weepy...and no, nothing hormonal is happening this moment. How can it be that this morning I was feeling so well and now I just want to cry and cry. This is such a holy time and time of judgment and forgiveness. A time of teshuva and beginning anew. I believe Hashem will forgive all of us His children but I still have this nervous twinge in my stomach. I know His love for me, for all of us is immense but I still feel this way. I suppose it would be the same way if I were meeting an earthly monarch. Standing before a king is no casual occurrence. One does ready oneself and there is that intense feeling of awe and fear. I am not afraid in as much as I think I am going to be ZAPPED ( well, at least I hope not) but I do have a fear. The King of Kings, the King of the Universe, Master of all will be/ has been convening court. While I do not presume to understand any of this, it sends jolts all through me. Forgiveness is such a gift, but not to be taken lightly. We must not take it lightly, I must not take it lightly. I want to truly start anew. I look forward to Kol Neidre, with trepidation to be sure but I look forward to it nonetheless. Such a holy time, such an emotional time. I suppose my feelings are just that, my feelings. I wish you all gmar chatimah tovah and an easy and very meaningful fast. May we all be sealed with good health, good life, parnasa and growth in torah and mitzvot!
I am Lover of my Beloved, Imma to my three blessings, a dreamer of dreams and maker of my home. I have homeschooled now for about 13 years and it is our way of life. I am a preschool teacher, doula, childbirth advocate, Jill-of-all-trades, Mistress of none and aspire to someday become the local village Wise Woman.