Greetings to all:
First I want to thank the many of you who sent me personal notes to say hi or wonder if I was still on the planet. Yes, I am still here, I was just caught up in a whirlwind of life and I was not sure how to get out of it, rise above it, or find the calm in the center. My life is still too busy, but I think I am finally learning (with Hashem's help) to deal with the chaos. We still have the little one in our home but only part time now as he is transitioning back to Mama more and more. Please pray that all should go well and Hashem should protect and guard his Mama and him.
I have been doing alot thinking (which could be dangerous :::wink:::) and I am really trying to build up my time of hitbodedut. I have found that I am not unlike most humans in that I cannot be cut off from the Source for very long without feeling it in a big way. Understand my words, obviously Hashem does not forsake me or leave me, I am His daughter. I just tend to wander sometimes...I wander when I wonder (lol). When I wander and feel lost I become confused. Why do I wander? It happens quite accidently I assure you. I am usually just too caught up in the details of Life that I forget to visit with my Abba. I still do what I do, but I forget the heart connection. I do this with people too, even my own family. Who can connect when you are so caught up in your head? I get confused because I am so busy trying to figure things out on my own instead of spending time with Hashem in prayer and listening and looking for the messages. So little by little I am trying to return to planet Earth and out of my head and be present again. Little by little I am trying to get myself back on track with Hashem and work on my emunah. (Nod to Rabbi Lazer Brody who constantly reminds me that this :emunah: is the absolute bottom line!)
How will I do this?
By building up my emunah and bitachon. By trusting and having faith in the One who truly loves me and wants what is best for me. Who only does what is best for me and who ultimately does only what is for my good.
I don't know how often I will be back here. Sometimes I feel like I have a ton to say and other times, I have a ton to say but don't feel like writing it. Besides, this whole cyber world...I wonder if it prevents us from meeting each other for real. Besides if you really knew me would you still want to visit. Who knows? There is so much out there happening, there is so much to pray about. There is so much to actually DO! I don't know if blogging about it counts? Maybe I am thinking too much again. LOL! My beloved always says he can tell when I am thinking, he sees the smoke rising from my head.
I know I am not so Unique and many of you are in the same boat. To be honest that is why I even have this blog. To connect with others like me. To those who sometimes feel like "bumble bees" (even among thier own people and family) . To the women who just want to be wives and mommies. Folks who long for a simple life. People of similiar interests and to all who love Hashem and want to serve Him and walk in His Holy Torah.
Tomorrow we start a new calendar year, 2007! To all may it bring a new closeness with the One True G-d, Creator and Master of the Universe ! And may He send His Righteous Moschiach speedily in our day!
I have a question. Or three.
9 months ago