Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Hi, my name is Philly and I am a ________.

Or "Now that I've untied these things, NOW what do I do?!"

So this week finds me with an unusually empty home. Well, not completely, the dog and the husband are here, but my children are not. Both my daughters are with their grandmother visiting this week. Actually, my oldest daughter has been there all summer helping her grandmother out after her hip replacement surgery. (BTW, she is doing very well thank you!) My youngest needed a change of pace and a break from the day to day she is happily spending the week reading to her heart's content. Me? Well, I am not sure. Sunday was a bit sad for me, that is when they left. I had such a hallowness in my chest, but I kept trying to shake it off telling myself I would be fine. I know this probably seems very silly to all of you. I mean, should'nt I be doing the 'woohoo kids out of the house' happy dance. Not my style guys, sorry. But I knwo I also shouldn't fall into despair because of it. So, I am going to the wise thing and keep myself busy. I started off Sunday going to a drum workshop, which BTW was excellent and oh so much fun. I came home and made a lovely but simple dinner for my husband and I. (Spinach and tomato salad topped with veggie burger strips and homemade yogurt dressing, yumm!) Yesterday I came home from work and just kinda wandered about. Today I am setting up a game plan for the rest of the week. I really want this week to be productive and happy! So here goes!

So far my plans are to:

1. Clean (really clean) my home
2. Organize my bedroom
3. Finish my weaving
4. Restring my mandolin
5. Make a wish list for school next year
6. Clean out fridge
7. Weed garden
8. Make several tinctures (lavender and lemon balm)
9. Read
10. Meditate

These are not in order of importance but rather what came to mind first. Notice the take care of myself items came up at the end of my thought process. I am sure that is not surprising because we woman do tend to do that.

I suppose that is what all this is about. As my children have grown up and have moved out on their own, I need to re-identify myself. I have been their mother for 25 years now. From the moment I conceived my son there has been nothing else that has consumed my thoughts as much as being a mother has. I understand I will always be their mother, but they no longer need me and I no longer can (nor do I want to) serve them in the same capacity. They need me now in such different and sometimes even deeper ways. I really do like our new relationships. We are developing a more companion sort of relationship. We speak on different levels, sometimes more openly, sometimes not. (I will always be Mommy after all and there are just some things you do not share with your mother ;-) ) But for sure it is a deeper and mutually respectful relationship. I really like the adults my children have become. They are moral, ethical and upright people. I like that they think for themselves, although they may find that hard to believe. (Hey, I've got my opinions too!) For the most part I am getting used to this 'Brave New World', I just have not quite figured out what to do with me yet.

So, let's say this week is my initiation into me finding what my next phase of life will be. I know my mind and heart is full of many seeds of possibility. I suppose that now the time has come to plant them and see what begins to sprout. Just imagine what this garden will look like!

Maybe the Village Wise Woman will emerge after all...

Note: Picture is from my dear friend 'Not Quite June Cleaver'. If you click link or the picture you will redirected to her wonderful site!


Angelique said...

It's Angelique, I definitely know what you mean. My babies are not yet close to moving on. But when they are older they need you in such a different capacity you almost don't know where to place yourself. I have personally been working on some of the things that I enjoy personally, so that the transition is a little smoother and not like shock treatment.In order to prepare myself. At the thought of it I tear up now. Time has gone so quickly.There was so much I wanted to do with them!!! But I will enjoy the moment and relish it.Far or near we will always be MOM, I find comfort in that. May HaShem give us strength.

Michal said...

Wow this is reminding me to really appreciate these times now that they are all so small and we thank G-d have so much time together.

Mama of 3 boys aged 1-4.

NotQuiteJuneCleaver said...

HUGS to you my dear friend...and thanks so much for the link!

Ehav Ever said...

I have recently started doing videos on YouTube on a group of topics for an initiative I am calling A Month of Positive

Solutions (A.M.O.P.S.)
. You can find the videos here.

A Month of Positive Solutions

The topics are:
1) Defending the Honor of Black Women
2) Strengthening Black Men Through Nationalism
3) Erasing Racism From all Jewish Communities
4) Peace in the Middle East

The Chronicles of Ehav Ever

I will be posting them for the entire month.

Ehav Ever