Day to day, or not so often, musings and bemusings of a frum farmgirl, and mother living in Philadelphia and her family and homelife adventures.
Sunday, August 12, 2007
As I am typing this my son is behind me, looking like the prince he is, praying for the last time this summer in my home. In approximately 40 minutes we will be leaving for JFK airport. I wrote my plane letter to him last night. Most of what I wrote, I said to him many times this year. But I think you need to have that plane letter. I always want my children to know how proud I am of them and how much I love them. I know they do, but I never want to leave room for even a shadow of a doubt.
I helped him pack his clothes last night. That always feels good. Maybe it gives me a feeling of, 'he still needs me', even if for only a little bit. Y'know, it's what happens when you pour your heart and soul into your children. You pour everything you know, all the love you have. You pray and pray and pray. And then one day you look and :::POOF::: the little boys turns around and what comes walking back to you is a man. Tall and strong, explaining the mysteries and Torah and the absoluteness of halacha to you. It's amazing and it is all I have ever dreamed of. B'ezrat Hashem, he will continue to grow from strength to strength.
Each year feels differently. I do not feel the heart wrenching of the first year or even what I felt last year. (Last year we were at a Simply Tsfat concert from where we directly left for JFK...what a send off!) Maybe I am maturing, maybe not. My heart aches when I think of not sitting and talking with him at the table. I feel a deep sadness when I think about not seeing him walk in the door every evening or seeing his silhouetted body donned in tallit and tefillin praying in the early hours of the day. But I have an even deeper joy when I think of my mighty one, returning to our Homeland and setting himself to learn and to grow closer to the Master of the Universe. I feel a strength when I think that all he is doing and all is he wrestling with helps keeps the earth on it's axis and on a more intimate level, blesses my very own family with abundance of life! I have told him, his job in our family is of vital importance. He is doing the job, that right now none of us here can do. He is being such a blessing to us and to K'lal Israel.
My prayer is that Hashem continue to give him and all our children the strength to continue learning and growing. I pray that he continues to grow in Torah and mitzvot and closeness with Hashem. That all that he does, and all that we do, and all that k'lal Israel does, will bring the final redemption speedily and in our day. Amen v'amen
I am Lover of my Beloved, Imma to my three blessings, a dreamer of dreams and maker of my home. I have homeschooled now for about 13 years and it is our way of life. I am a preschool teacher, doula, childbirth advocate, Jill-of-all-trades, Mistress of none and aspire to someday become the local village Wise Woman.