It is about 8:30pm and I am taking a break from my day to write here. My daughter is playing 'Victor's Piano solo from the Corpse Bride' in the background and the house is peaceful. I lit my candle chandelier and several other of the many candles scattered about my home and it smells of autumn spices and cinnamon. I am grateful to be able to breathe in the gentle fragrances and sit at peace here. I have been busy all day doing all sorts of things. I placed an order for school and made up some lists of things to do. I need to still make a rough draft of what I want to teach for the month of Chesvan. I really love Chesvan. I know it is also called marcheshvan, because of the lack of holidays, but I myself and quite happy for the non events in my life. Status quo and trying to get back to 'normal' are enough happenings for me, thank you.
There was a time when I loved and lived for the drama. Oh yes, drama was the soup du jour of my lfie and I enjoyed many helpings of it each day. As I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I have come to truly revel in the quiet and the moments that come to me. I try very much to turn my heart in gratitude for each moment and blessing that comes my way. It does take a certain amount of discipline to develop this awareness. I am also sad to say that in my case it took a certain amount of loss also to develop this. As I saw dreams and perceived realities slipping through my fingers I realized I better get grateful for my life and fast. I know I do not need to tell you this is not so easy a task and I confess, there are times that I am far better at it than others, but like many of you, I am a work in progress.
Being grateful for me means acknowledging as much of the good and as many of the blessings that comes to me as I can. It means to say it out loud, speaking to the Universe and thanking my Creator for them all. Not trying to take anything for granted.
Today I am grateful for these among other things:
A day spent at home.
A beloved friend bringing coffee and uproarious laughter over embarrassing girl talk.
My youngest daughter sharing her day with a friend and then telling me all about it.
My son's devotion to his family and deep consideration for each one of us.
My husband listening to me even though it can be very hard at times.
My sister's phone call.
My friend's love for her father.
My oldest daughter's phone call home as soon as she got up. (she is away with her beloved cousin)
My burnt finger tip. (which means I was working with my glue gun today and made a magazine holder out of the empty diaper box left here after my youngest neice and nephews visit. Blessed creativity!)
Peace in my home.
The peace I feel in my heart right now in this moment.
The quietness of this upcoming month will, b'ezrat Hashem, enable me to focus even more on this gratitude and peace. Spending more time tending to my home and nurturing my creativity. Spin some wool, knit some, read and learn some and grow some. Refocus my intention and connect. As the earth pulls deeper into her rest I can join in with the season and rest my mind and heart too.
I have a question. Or three.
10 months ago