These are all from A Simple Jew's blog, I thought I would help spread the smiles around!
Moshiach arrives and, together with the simple Jews begin to dance ecstatically in the streets.The Litvaks run home to get their gemorras and all their shailas for the Moshiach. The Chassidim dash off to the mikve and change into their long frock coats.
Quickly the Litvaks (with their gemorras and shailahs in hand) and the Chassidim (with their peyos still dripping) hurry back to join the crowd of dancing Jews.
The Moshiach spots them there and turns to one of the simple Jews and asks, "Who are they?"
"Them?" replies the simple Jew, "It's OK. They're Jews too!"
(Told to me by Shlomo Carlebach)
A Chassid and a Misnaged were sitting next to each other in front of an open Gemara, learning together in chavrusa. The chassid looks over at the Misnaged and excitedly says, "Do you see this!!!? It says, 'They said about Yonason ben Uziel, that when he sat and studied Torah, any bird that flew over him burst into flames.'"
The Misnaged, apparently not impressed, responds, "Nu, so what is your point?"
The Chassid repeats the line once again, "They said about Yonason ben Uziel, that when he sat and studied Torah, any bird that flew over him burst into flames."
Sitting stone-faced, the Misnaged responds, "So......"
Exasperated at his chavrusa's indifference, the Chassid explains, "Can you imagine the deveykus of this tzaddik?? He learned with such intensity and fervor that a pillar of fire shot out of the sefer before him and incinerated the birds flying over him! You are not impressed with this??"
The Misnaged responds, "Why would I be impressed with this?? I want to know whose birds they were and how much the owner gets in damages!"
A Two Chassidim, a Chagas'nik (please don't shoot me for saying that -it's the way a Vizhnitzer told me the joke) and a Chabad'nik were speaking about the different ways in which they serve Hashem.
The Chagas'nik said that every night he fills up a kelishke of vodka and places it next to his bed . . . in the morning he said modeh ani, washes negel vasser, and then says l'chaim to the Aibishter.
The Chabad'nik is shocked.
"What's wrong," the Chagas'nik asks him.
"How can you sleep if there's mashke next to you bed?" replied the Lubavitcher.
When HKB"H gave us the Torah at Sinai three things happened:
1. The Yekkes (German Jews) came early, and got the Derech Eretz (Derech Eretz Kodma LeTorah).
2. The Litvaks came exactly on time and got Torah.
3. The Chassidim were so awed that HKB"H was giving them this gift they spent great amounts of time preparing themselves, and thus, arrived late (as Chassidim do) missing the entire thing. But there was great joy and closeness with G-d after kabbolas haTorah... and that's what they got!
There is an old joke: When the Moshiach comes and brings peace to the world, the Litvaks will realize that the Chassidim also "know how to learn," and the Chassidim will realize that the Litvaks also believe in G-d!
I have a question. Or three.
8 months ago