The sun is shining so brightly today and it is turning my thoughts to spring. I miss spring terribly, much like I miss my brother and my sisters when I do not get to see them. Spring makes me feel happy and feel like myself. Seeing the new birth and peeping flowers reminds me of my beloved nieces and nephews, growing up and discovering new things.
This past Sunday I was able to spend time with my siblings and their brood. I have to tell you, I am just nuts about my sibs! I have two sisters and one brother and I just love them to death. They are some of my fave people. My sisters are two of the most beautiful women I know and my brother...:::sigh::: what an awesome guy! My brother's wife and my youngest sister are both expecting again. It is so much fun for me to visit with them and their children. At some points it made me a bit wistful, missing my own older two so much, (thank G-d I still have one at home!) but it is really wonderful to be a "Tity."
Now in spite of all the joy I felt, I ended up having to fight my own very opinionated self and bite my tongue. It was so hard when I saw my sibs making some decisions I either thought or know are wrong. I felt somewhat frustrated and sad at the same time. I wanted to say, "hey, why don't you try it this way!" or "no, honey you don't want to go there, remember what happened to me." I am the oldest after all and of course I feel like I must fix it, warn them, and teach them all about life, marriage and child rearing. :::sigh:::
They know me and they have seen my children grow. For the most part they think it is great, other than the "That's just big sis, Y'know she's the religious one." Don't get me wrong they are very respectful of me, but it just isn't their thing...yet. Example goes a long way. You never know who you affect by the way you live. Hopefully they will learn from the good I do and also from unfortunately the many mistakes I have made along the way.
I just want them to be happy and I want so much to spare them from any heartache. What can an oldest sister do? Threatening their lives and to tell mommy just doesn't seem to work any more. So what do I do? I use my main weapon! According to Rebbe Nachman, "Prayer is the Jew's main weapon." (Advice pg.275) So I will pray. I will pray for their relationships and their jobs. I will pray for their children and their homes. I will pray they will have good health and all that they need spiritually, physically, emotionally and financially. I will pray they come closer to G-d and find rest there. But mostly I will pray that I am a loving and kind big sister, and that I am worthy of my incredible brother and sisters.
I have a question. Or three.
9 months ago