Frum Philly Farmgirl

Philly Farmgirl finally becomes the Village Wise Woman

2010-05-30T06:37:00.002-04:00

Greetings folks!

Won't you join me on my journey over at Village Wise Woman?

New Blog, New Dreams

2010-04-21T16:29:00.003-04:00

Greetings all,

Just wanted to let you know I am going to be starting a new blog, one that reflects more where I am in my life. My children are grown and need me differently. Although I am still very much a country girl, I am resolved that my life has me here in the city for now. That means I am going to learn more about urban farming and square foot gardening. Also I am pursuing my dreams of being an herbalist, growing herbs, making medicine, tinctures, teas etc. On top of all this I have discovered that my passion for motherhood has transferred to mommies to be, childbirth education and my doula work.

So why the need for a new blog? Well, call it a fresh start and a new beginning. I feel less like a farmgirl and more like a village wise woman. It is something I have wanted for some time, someone I have aspired to. Many folks and some of my friends have told me, "You ARE a village wise woman!" So what am I waiting for? So here goes, another part of the journey. I hope you will all join me over here at Village Wise Woman. I am sure the journey will be interesting and full of twists and turns, but most of all joy!

"The key to everything is the way you start. All beginnings are hard, because you need to swing things around from one direction to the very opposite. But once you have made a start, you will soon begin getting used to your new direction and it will no longer be so difficult. Therefore you must marshal all your strength and steel yourself to make an energetic start. Each time you must begin again with ever renewed fire and passion for G-d. Start as if you had never begun before." Likutey Moharan 1:67

She's Kinda a Big Girl Now!

2010-01-15T14:34:00.003-05:00

So Philly Farmgirl is moving on to her next big adventure! Unbelievable as it may be, I will speaking at a local shul/synagagoue this motzei shabbat! I still have NO idea what I am going to speak about, horrors! See, blogging is so much easier. I write when I am inspired, I can delete before you see my flub ups, so much safer. But the truth is, this is what I have always felt my mission in life was. Not public speaking, per se, but inspiring women. Inspiring women to see who they really are. My desire is to help reveal that Divine spark that already lies within each and every one of them (you!). I want to be like a gentle wind that blows upon that spark to help them believe in who they are and what they can become. I want to help women see the strength that lies within them, the power and the wisdom that is already there, that they already own. To see the light and love they possess and to discover and believe in their authentic and wild self! Yes, I said wild! Wild as in the beauty of a wild flower that lies undiscovered in a field of flowers. Wild as in free and beautiful! Wild as in unrestrained power to do anything and be anyone! Yes, wild.

So how do you think that topic will fly in a room full of frum women??

Wish me luck!

Hi, my name is Philly and I am a ________.

2009-08-11T06:06:00.009-04:00

Or "Now that I've untied these things, NOW what do I do?!"

So this week finds me with an unusually empty home. Well, not completely, the dog and the husband are here, but my children are not. Both my daughters are with their grandmother visiting this week. Actually, my oldest daughter has been there all summer helping her grandmother out after her hip replacement surgery. (BTW, she is doing very well thank you!) My youngest needed a change of pace and a break from the day to day she is happily spending the week reading to her heart's content. Me? Well, I am not sure. Sunday was a bit sad for me, that is when they left. I had such a hallowness in my chest, but I kept trying to shake it off telling myself I would be fine. I know this probably seems very silly to all of you. I mean, should'nt I be doing the 'woohoo kids out of the house' happy dance. Not my style guys, sorry. But I knwo I also shouldn't fall into despair because of it. So, I am going to the wise thing and keep myself busy. I started off Sunday going to a drum workshop, which BTW was excellent and oh so much fun. I came home and made a lovely but simple dinner for my husband and I. (Spinach and tomato salad topped with veggie burger strips and homemade yogurt dressing, yumm!) Yesterday I came home from work and just kinda wandered about. Today I am setting up a game plan for the rest of the week. I really want this week to be productive and happy! So here goes!

So far my plans are to:

1. Clean (really clean) my home
2. Organize my bedroom
3. Finish my weaving
4. Restring my mandolin
5. Make a wish list for school next year
6. Clean out fridge
7. Weed garden
8. Make several tinctures (lavender and lemon balm)
9. Read
10. Meditate

These are not in order of importance but rather what came to mind first. Notice the take care of myself items came up at the end of my thought process. I am sure that is not surprising because we woman do tend to do that.

I suppose that is what all this is about. As my children have grown up and have moved out on their own, I need to re-identify myself. I have been their mother for 25 years now. From the moment I conceived my son there has been nothing else that has consumed my thoughts as much as being a mother has. I understand I will always be their mother, but they no longer need me and I no longer can (nor do I want to) serve them in the same capacity. They need me now in such different and sometimes even deeper ways. I really do like our new relationships. We are developing a more companion sort of relationship. We speak on different levels, sometimes more openly, sometimes not. (I will always be Mommy after all and there are just some things you do not share with your mother ;-) ) But for sure it is a deeper and mutually respectful relationship. I really like the adults my children have become. They are moral, ethical and upright people. I like that they think for themselves, although they may find that hard to believe. (Hey, I've got my opinions too!) For the most part I am getting used to this 'Brave New World', I just have not quite figured out what to do with me yet.

So, let's say this week is my initiation into me finding what my next phase of life will be. I know my mind and heart is full of many seeds of possibility. I suppose that now the time has come to plant them and see what begins to sprout. Just imagine what this garden will look like!

Maybe the Village Wise Woman will emerge after all...

Note: Picture is from my dear friend 'Not Quite June Cleaver'. If you click link or the picture you will redirected to her wonderful site!

A fun website for my expecting mommies

2009-08-04T06:56:00.002-04:00

I just found this site and I thought this would be a great link post for all my expecting mommies out there. Babystrology.com has several neat gadgets over there to play with. My favorite is the baby ticker, which you can find under tools. There you plug in your due date and a ticker with an image of the development of a baby the same age of yours pops us. It even shows the baby floating about, how cute is that! Have fun!

Save Your Local Mint Farm!!

2009-07-30T07:30:00.004-04:00

The Crosby Mint farm needs our help! Once upon a time in Michigan there were 60 mint farms. Now there are only 4 and the oldest mint farm, the Crosby farm is in threat of foreclosure! Just so you know, I am a huge fan of mint and am pretty convinced that mint can do just about anything! I grow several kind myself, and I have used it to calm nerves, give me midday energy, get rid of a headache, sooth a tummy ache, make a cool refreshing drink, etc. Not to mention a delicious addition to many recipes! You name it I find mint can do it! They are offering a $5 dram sale and a great package deal! Really, you need some! They are super to stick in an emergency or first aid kit and make very good gifts. Check out the video and let's help the Crosby's keep the farm!

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Here are pictures of the mint I grow. Just a small amount and I haven't a distiller to get the oil from it so I do buy mint essential oils.

This is a picture of this years peppermint. It is so strong and yummy!

These are my pots of peppermint and spearmint.

This is my darling applemint, my absolute favorite! I make a wonderfully refreshing tea from this. My mother grew this when we lived in Chicago and I remember loving the fuzzy leaves.

Memories of Summer Time Sewing & Home School

2009-07-28T07:29:00.007-04:00

It must be that time of the year. Always towards the end of summer, when my children were much younger, I remember doing lot of sewing to prepare for the colder seasons. Living in Lancaster County made it quite easy for me. There were wonderful fabric stores in the center of the tourist area, that I loved going to. It was so much fun to go with my daughters and pick out material for our fall and winter dresses and jumpers. We would buy many yards of fabric (and even occasionally bolts) usually at really good discount prices. Why so much fabric you may be wondering? Well, once upon a time, I made all of my daughters and my clothing. I loved sewing , and I loved knowing I could do it. Talk about feeling like eishet chayil! I had lots and lots of dress and jumper patterns and just loved looking through them and choosing what we were going to wear for the season. Now mind you, back then I also bought knit material for dresses. My Amish and Mennonite neighbors were HUGE fans of the synthetic knit fabric singing it's praises and convincing me of it's many virtues. It actually did make nice looking and easy to care for dresses, although we only wore these in the colder months because they were too hot for the summer and spring. (BTW, I did eventually get away from the knits altogether. We soon discovered the comforts and coziness of cotton flannel).

This was also the time of year when I would be pouring over curriculum catalogs, searching for the perfect subject or ideas for our home school the next year. It's really interesting to me how intensely I feel and miss this rhythm in my life. For example recently I was with a friend who is planning on homeschooling her son part time next year. He will only be attending a Jewish day school for his religious studies and will be home schooled for his secular. She was so very excited talking to me about what she is learning regarding education and looking at different curriculum. She was so animated and passionate that I just sat smiling and enjoying her enthusiasm. Laughingly she finally said, "I'm sorry, I could go on for hours!" I smiled and replied that it was not that long ago that the lady sitting across the table was me. I was a tad bit envious of her excitement, but my time is done in that area.

It suppose it would a good idea to begin recreating some other ritual for this time of the year. I could certainly sew, and I may do that for old times sake and because I need to teach my youngest daughter to sew. But I think I do need to come up with some other rituals, create a new rhythm that I will look forward to each end of summer. Any ideas?

IMO, guarding the eyes

2009-07-27T07:51:00.004-04:00

So, there is an article up on a website that someone posted as a note over on facebook. (things get around on the internet) It is on shmirat ha eynayim, guarding the eyes. I read the article and the only thing that happened to me was I managed to get very annoyed. So, I decided to write about it and give my not so humble opinion. My blog, my opinion. (oh yeah, I said it!)

Personally, I think 30 minutes praying about shmirat ha'lashon would be better spent. Moreover, articles like these tend to make women feel like pariahs. Why? Because many, many frum men I see do not just practice shmirat ha eynayim when they see 'immodest' women, they do it when they see anyone female. I can admire and respect a man who lowers his eyes when a scantily clad woman walks by but I think it is ridiculous when I am walking down the street on shabbat and I say, shabbat shalom and the male walking on the sidewalk either looks the other way or barely glances at me, scoots as far away from me as possible on the sidewalk and mumbles 'gut shabbas'. I try to think positively, maybe he really has serious issues he is dealing with. But everyone one of them?! What happened to be a mensch? A gentleman? You certainly do not need to ogle a woman, but a nod of the head and acknowledgment of the lady's existence is polite enough.

It seems to me that articles like these are also insulting to men. They seem to have been reduced to nothing more than animals who can do nothing about themselves and their drives and therefore should never,ever look at anyone female for fear of G-d knows what!

I will never forget when I was relatively new to orthodoxy and I traveled to see a Rabbi who shall remain nameless, speak. I read his writings, I communicated with him via email and I could not wait to hear him. I went with two other ladies and afterward wanted very much to speak with him. So there I was waiting my turn for quite some time when it became embarrassingly obvious he had no intention of speaking to me. I could not believe it and could not figure out what was wrong. He spoke to other women, but then I began to realize that they had their husbands with them and I just had two other women. I felt humiliated when the light bulb went off in my then unaware head and walked away. Over the course of several days, I kept wondering if I should write to said rabbi to apologize, (not exactly sure for what) or try to explain myself. I really felt awful and finally just decided to let it go since quite frankly, I just did not get it.

And I still don't. I can only help but wonder how articles and teachings like these can, will and are taken to extremes. It makes me wonder what is going to be next on the agenda.

NOTE: All due respect to the website where the article was found. I learn much from this site, but I am reserving my right as a Jew to argue and disagree. We have a long and wonderful history of "two Jews, three opinions". And this sephardi lady has opinion a'plenty! Peace!

Solar Eclipse

2009-07-23T14:52:00.003-04:00

This is a beautiful video from the BBC taken July 22, 2009. (sorry. the BBC removed the video because of copyright laws, you will find the link to the youtube.com video below) It is of the full solar eclipse that occurred over parts of India and Asia. This particular eclipse was the longest total solar eclipse during the 21st century, and will not be surpassed until June 2132. Wikipedia states: "A solar eclipse occurs when the moon passes between the Sun and the Earth so that the Sun is fully or partially covered. This can only happen during a new moon, when the Sun and Moon are in conjunction as seen from the Earth. At least two and up to five solar eclipses can occur each year on Earth, with between zero and two of them being total eclipses. Total solar eclipses are nevertheless rare at any location because during each eclipse totality exists only along a narrow corridor in the relatively tiny area of the Moon's umbra."

I know this can all be explained scientifically, but that did not take away the awe and chills I felt as I watched this phenomenon. To me it was terrifyingly beautiful! I think it is awesome that this happens so rarely and only around the New Moon. The New Moon is symbolic for us of new beginnings. Here the sun is covered but you still see it's light ring. The darkness is temporary. It's so appropriate for the month of Av. A time when we mourn the loss of our Holy Temple. But the darkness is only temporary. You can see the light rings, if you look.

I particularly like what bursts forth around 2:12 on the video. A reminder that this ancient symbol speaks to us of the interconnectedness of the heavens and the earth, of man and woman, of the Holy One and us.

Here is the link to the video of the solar eclipse here!

And now for a word from our sponsors:

2009-07-21T20:05:00.003-04:00

It should come as no surprise that I am HUGE supporter of the American Farmer, as I am sure you are too. After all, we all eat food and therefore would never think to bite the hand of those who feed us, would we? Some things that my family and I try very hard to do is to grow some of what we eat, I am in Philly after all, so I can't grow a whole lot at least not until I can convince my neighbors to forgo their lawns for some serious urban farmette-ing. We also try to buy our produce from local farmers and farm markets. Obviously when I lived in Lancaster, this was immensely easier, but in spite of my Urban location it is not impossible. Free range eggs and local organic milk is also something we are pretty strict about, especially the eggs. Buying food from locally sustained farms, especially organic, sends a loud and clear message to our farmers and to big agri-business.It tells our farmers that we need and appreciate them and how very vital they are to our health, economy and lives! It tells the big agri-businesses that they can no longer control our food and our health.

Take some time and check out these two videos. This first one is interview out on PBS with the director of Food Inc.

This second one is a full length film called The Future of Food. I assure you neither of these will be a waste of your time and may help open your eyes to what has happened to our food. I know they opened mine!

Educate yourselves, support your local farms and not the big pharms! Know what you are eating and make positive decisions that effect your health and the health of your children, the Country, the World, and the Earth!

It is time to open your eyes and see what you are really eating!

Welcome to Planet Earth, Please Fasten your Seatbelts

2009-07-08T07:08:00.004-04:00

The youngest member on our family was born to my (step)daughter this past Sunday at 11:53 AM. After enjoying a quiet time in her mother's womb for nine months and a smooth and relatively easy labor, complications began to develop right at the end. When my (step)daughter arrived at the hospital she was already 9 cm. dilated and everyone was sure baby would wrapped in a blanket contentedly nursing in an hour. But an hour turned into two and when my (step)daughter's labor did not progress they decided to break her water bag. Once they did, they realized that Baby had a bowel movement prior to birth. Normally when this occurs, it is a small amount and mommy has to deliver slowly so baby does not ingest the meconium. Apparently mommy's water was quite green and filled with the babies meconium. After another hour or so which was accompanied by baby's lowered heart rate, they finally decided to perform a C-section. Mommy was of course, quite distressed. Thankfully, she had the support of her husband and other family members, all of us praying for her safety and that of the unborn baby. After what felt like hours and hours, our new baby entered the world. But that was not to be the end of that stage of her journey. Our little one was not breathing when she arrived and the doctors worked hard to get her little lungs working. On top of that, she had also ingested alot of the meconium and had to have that removed. My (step) daughter did not get to hold her daughter when she was born, but she did get tosee her. They shuttled our little one off to NICU and then sent her via helicopter to Philadelphia. (She was born in New Jersey). After several days of much worry and fervent prayers I am happy to tell you all that our dear grand baby is doing much better. She is off all of her medicines and is breathing almost completely on her own. Mommy and daddy are also well and are with baby everyday. Mommy pumps her milk to give her new daughter and has quite a supply already in the freezer! Although our little one is still in the hospital, we are looking forward to her homecoming, G-d willing, very, very soon.

NOTE: I really dislike the use of the term stepdaughter as she is very much my daughter. I simply use it to help you, the reader, understand the members and who makes my beautiful family.

Blessing of the Dawn, Ironic for me...

2009-04-08T07:36:00.005-04:00

I rose early to bless the sun at dawn. Ironic when a year ago today, the precious one who bore the name of the early light, was taken from my life. I miss my mother so much.

Dawn, of most blessed memory.
November 3, 1953-April 8, 2008.

Such a long long time to be gone and a short time to be there.

Sunflowers and butterflies always remind me of my mother.

Encouragement for Your Day

2009-03-31T07:35:00.003-04:00

I found myself responding to a post elsewhere and realized that, as usual, the medicine that flowed from my 'pen' and intended for another, was indeed meant just as much for me. I thought I would share this with you too, perhaps it is just the medicine you need to strengthen you throughout your day.

"Dearest, how many of us have shared this pain and had these exact thoughts. It seems to be the plight of the human existence. Expectations tend to lead to disappointment and yet, how can we not hope have expectations. It is what wakes us in the morning and drives us through our day. Voices call out to us from the past, voices that urge us to move forward and to go on. On the wall in my room is a voice, "Go confidently in the direction of your dreams. Live the life you’ve imagined." (Henry David Thoreau). Another voice tells me to "be the change I want to see in the world." (Ghandi). And lastly, another comforts and urges me in one full breath by reminding me "All beginnings are hard, because you need to swing things around from one direction to the very opposite. But once you have made a start, you will soon become accustomed to your new direction and it will no longer be so difficult. Therefore you must marshal all your strength and steel yourself to make an energetic start." (Rebbe Nachman)
Know, that no matter how you feel, there are those who love you dearly and within this love is where you must find the energy to move and continue on. You are correct, you either make an impact or you don't. Do not underestimate the power of the sleepless night. It is when the mysteries of the Universe reveal themselves. Do not underestimate the power of a pebble thrown in the river, or the flap of a butterfly's wings, tidal waves and tornadoes have been the result of such seeming trivialities. You are doing it, you are accomplishing. Right now you are resting, recharging and learning. Although they feel passive and even sad, they will empower you to move forward and with even greater light. Step by step, you will make it. You were meant to shine, and although I am not sure of a whole lot in my life, of this one thing I am most certainly sure."

Chana Laila in Concert!!!

2009-03-15T14:55:00.004-04:00

If you happen to be in the Philadelphia area or surrounding vicinities be sure to check out this very happening event at the local Chabad Center! Chana Laila is from Amherst, Mass. and has music with cool grooves and a deep message. This is a special treat for all of here us and we would be THRILLED if you, yes YOU, would come on over and join the jam with us! It will surely be an evening of serious soul lifting! Bring a friend or group and be sure to come say HI to me! I will be there with drums and dance!

PS. Be sure to check out Chana Laila's myspace and home page.

Bio from Chana Liala's myspace page:

"Chana Laila grew up in the NYC area, and has been playing and writing music all her life. She began studying music on piano at age 6, flute at age 9, guitar at age 13, hand percussion at age 16, and has studied voice throughout her life as well. She graduated from Hampshire College with a BA in Music Performance and Composition in 2002, and has been working with her band Kindgroove since 2004. Her solo project "Lion of Judah" is the culmination of many years of hard work, faith, and love for music. Having composed all original music and lyrics for her solo album, Lion of Judah incorporates her positive and conscious message with strong reggae grooves, roots-rock, hip-hop, jazz, and more! Lion of Judah features Chana Laila on vocals, guitar, flute and hand percussion. She is fortunate to have worked with so many talented musicians on the recording of her album at Northfire Recording Studio. All are excited to bring this original and soul-full music to fruition, from dream to reality."

While Crossing the Narrow Bridge...

2009-03-15T09:03:00.003-04:00

... I met up with an old and unfortunately faithful companion. His name is Fear. I do not really like Fear very much, although admittedly at times he can be a very good friend. In fact there have been several occasions that he really kept me from making huge mistakes or getting very hurt. But unfortunately, more often than not, he has prevented me from traveling forward on the bridge. He is not too interested in me progressing. He tends to get attached to a situation or a place insisting that danger or pain lurk further along. Sometimes he has blocked my way, bullying me into submission. Other times he wants me to just stay put with him, immobilized in his dark and warm embrace. I even remember once he tried to convince me that the bridge was probably out, in utter disrepair further along and I would end up falling into the abyss below, so why risk it. He always appears to be so large and so much stronger than me.

This time and on this particular stint of the journey, as I am crossing the narrow bridge, I decided to try to shove Fear out of the way. It took much of my strength and has taken some time, but I finally got past him. Strangely enough, once you really take a look at the bastard, he's not so big at all.

Searching for the Hidden Joy

2009-03-09T07:47:00.005-04:00

Adar is a particularly interesting month. We are taught that Mishenichnas Adar Marbim B'Simcha, when Adar arrives our joy increases. Adar is about what is hidden, concealed and Adar is about potential. The potential to grow and to change darkness into light. It seems appropriate to have this month at the very beginnings of the spring when the earth is just beginning to wake from her long winter slumber. Seeds and plants that have been resting all winter are beginning to peek their heads up out of the earth and buds are appearing on trees everywhere. I suppose this why 'When Adar comes our joy increases', because the joy has always been there, it was just hidden. It was resting and nourishing that which it needed to and now the time has come for it to slowly spring forth!

The Hebrew letter that is associated with the month of Adar is kuf. The kuf is the one letter that decends below the surface and symbolizes that in adar the potential is there to go deeper. The letter kuf is the the proverbial "eye of the needle". It is the absurd difficulty before us, 'trying to get the camel, elephant, (pick your animal) through the eyes of the needle. The kuf also stands for "Kof" or monkey and symbolizes laughter.

The astrological sign of Adar is Dagim or Pisces. Have you ever gone to the river's edge and gaze into the water at first seeing nothing and then all of a sudden tiny fish appear everywhere! Fish live hidden beneath the waters. Fish swallow by their prey and According to the gemara in Esther Rabbah 7:11, "Fish swallow by their prey, but can be swallowed too!" It is a continual cycle of nourishment, of life and death and dark and light. All neutral and necessary.

Quick grab your binoculars!

2009-02-23T23:48:00.003-05:00

Comet Lulin is speeding by us! The best day to see this new comet that was apparently formed when our solar system was, is tonight February 24. Comet Lulin is a special treat since it won't be back this way for another thousand years. It is also an unusual comet because it has a tail and an antitail. The antitail is opposite the tail of the comet. Another backward fact about Lulin is it's orbit. It is ecliptic (backwards), meaning it is orbiting in the opposite directions of the planets. Lastly, it is traveling at such a speed that if you look at it through binoculars or a telescope you may be able to actually perceive it's movement! I find it so interesting all these phenomenon are happening now! Here it is Rosh Chodesh Adar and we have a comet to see, the last one I saw was Haley's. This year is also the hakhel year and the year to bless the sun. Apparently our solar system is a happening place, don't you agree?

Blessing of the Sun

2009-02-23T22:56:00.002-05:00

There is a lot of talk lately, particularly in blog-o-sphere, about the Blessing over the Sun, which will be occurring this year on April 8, 2009. It is only recited once every 28 years and it is taught in the Gemara that this is when the Sun returns to the exact same position it had at the time of Creation. Most of us are pretty clueless about what it is and what is involved, so I looked it up and found some good info on Wikipedia and askmoses.com. Below is from the askmoses.com website.

What is Birkat Hachama (Blessing over the Sun)?

The Askmoses Answer:

The Sun

The sun was created on the fourth day of Creation.

In its apparent motion in the ecliptic, the sun has four 'turning points' which mark the beginnings of the four respective seasons. These points are generically referred to in Jewish literature as the Tekufot (sing. Tekufah). They are: the two equinoctial points when the sun crosses the equator at the beginning of spring and autumn respectively, and 'turns' from one side of the equator to the other; and the two solstices, when the sun is at its maximum distance, or declination, from the equator, at one or other side of it, at the beginning of summer and winter respectively, and instead of progressively increasing its declination it 'turns' to decrease it progressively.

In the week of creation at 6:00 p.m. on Tuesday, which is the beginning of the fourth day, the sun made its debut: the original Tekufah.

Every 28 years the Tekufah will recur not only at the same time of the day, but also on the same day of the week.

The Cycle

Now, A complete solar cycle consists of 365 1/4 days, or 52 weeks 1 day and six hours; which means every consecutive year the Tekufah occurs 1 1/4 days later in the week. So in the following year (after creation) spring began early Thursday at midnight (one day of the week and 6 hours after Tuesday at 6:00 p.m.). The following year it began at 6:00 a.m. on Friday, the following year at noon on Shabbat, and the year after that at 6:00 p.m. on Sunday.

Every 4 years it occurs at the same time of the day but (1 1/4 X 4 =) 5 days later in the week. Every 28 years (10227 days) the Tekufah will recur not only at the same time of the day, but also on the same day of the week.

The Date

Since the sun and moon were created on the 4th day, the beginning of the 28 years cycle is always at the vernal equinox at 6 p.m. on Tuesday evening (the beginning of the fourth day). Birkat Hachama is thus always on a Wednesday morning (when the sun is actually visible).

The date of the month, however, changes. Since Birkat Hachama follows the solar cycle whereas the Jewish calendar follows (for the most part) the lunar cycle, the Hebrew date for this varies widely: in the past 400 years, Birkat Hachama has been said as early as the 27th of Adar II (in 5461 [1701]) and as late as the 26th of Nissan (in 5545 [1785] and 5629 [1869]).

The Gregorian date also varies, albeit slightly, changing every century that the Gregorian calendar skips a leap date (i.e. when there is no February 29 in years ending in "00", not divisible by 400). Therefore, in the 19th Century Birkat Hachama was said on April 7. It switched to April 8 when there was no February 29, 1900. After 2100, when February 29 will not occur, it will switch to April 9.

The Ceremony

Our Rabbis taught:3 "He who sees the sun at its [original] Tekufah... should say: 'Blessed be He who makes the work of creation'. And when does this happen? Abaye said: Every twenty eight years when the cycle begins again and the Nisan [Spring] equinox falls in Saturn on the evening of Tuesday, going into Wednesday."

The actual blessing is:

Boruch attah ado-nai elo-heinu melech haolam oseh maaseh bereishit.
[Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the Universe, Who makes the Work of Creation].

Additional prayers are said before and after the blessing.4 It is preferable to celebrate this event with an early-morning outdoor communal ceremony, and if a Minyan is present the ceremony is concluded with the mourner's Kaddish.

Footnotes

* 1. Talmud tractate Berachot 59b
* 2. Birkat Hachama follows the solar (rather than Jewish) calendar, and is thus determined by the Gregorian (rather than Jewish) date.
* 3. Talmud tractate Brachot 59b, codified in Shulchan Aruch Orach Chaim 229:2
* 4. Before: Psalm 148. After: Ei-l Adon (from the Shabbat morning prayer); Psalm 19; and Aleinu. See Mishna Brura 229:8. See also Teshuvos Chasam Sofer 1:56. There are various other customs as to which psukim and tefillos are recited before and after the bracha.

Friends

2009-02-13T07:17:00.005-05:00

This morning I saw a picture of a friend who several months ago made aliyah, and my heart felt sad because I miss her. I started to think about the many people who have stumbled in and out of my life and how much every one of them meant to me.

Later that day another friend wrote to me to share some sadness she had regarding maintaining friendships over the years. She asked me why I was still her friend. She and I have been friends, to a greater or lesser degree, for about 16 years now. It is amazing to me to have known someone that long and to see how they have grown, particularly to share in all the hardships they have been through and lived to tell about. Their strengths and perseverance have been an inspiration to my own life. In fact, every friend I have ever had has helped me, truly. Even friendships that lasted less than a year have taught me something valuable.

I believe that each friend comes in to your life at the time you need them the most. You kinda have to look at it as they are there in that moment to help, to support and to teach.

Sometimes friends may even decide they no longer want to share the journey with you. Perhaps they are working on something in their own lives. I know it is hard, especially for those folks we really care about and to whom we have given part of our heart. I suppose the hardest thing is to let go and to let go of the love and the part of us that goes with them. I have had many people who have walked in and out of my life and some I still keep in contact with, others I do not. I do not feel badly that they are no longer a part of my life, but there are a few that I do miss terribly.

I suppose that is why I enjoy the friendships I have managed to maintain over the years. Perhaps it is better to say that they have maintained me. These are the ones that I have inside jokes with, that I don't have to explain a thing to, who understand why I am the way I am or am drawn to the things I am drawn to. They are the ones who wink and smile at me when someone assumes something incorrectly about me or when I feign ignorance on a particular subject laugh with me about it after wards. Some of these friends have even blessed me by metamorphasising from friend to sister. They are most precious of all to me.

For me, knowing that a person is there is good. Even if I may not be able to talk to them a lot, it is enough to know they are there. I too am here. Each one of my friends and I share a time in our lives that was special, exciting, sad, tumultuous, joyful, you name the flavor. These times in our lives are graven on my heart in gratitude and much love and they mean more to than these feeble words can ever express.

Harbingers of Sping

2009-02-09T07:41:00.008-05:00

This past Thursday on our way home from work my daughter said she saw a robin. I couldn't imagine it to be true, after all it was only the beginning of February and I was sure that the red breasted lovely would not be back up north for at least another month. Besides our northern Pennsylvanian weather prestidigitator Punxsutawney Phil had determined that we had a good six weeks left to winter. Well, I was corrected when she pointed to a tree on the corner that was virtually covered in robins! An entire flock of robins all roosted in an large oak tree. What a welcome sight they were although they did seem quite cold.

But perhaps they were right and Phil was wrong. This Shabbat and Sunday we had a delicious taste of spring. The earth was damp and the air was warm and moist. The heat and light of the sun felt so good on my body and more particularly my mind. I had to take a long walk and refresh my mind both days. I saw tiny buds forming on some trees and some of the earliest spring bulbs beginning to peek out. Then later that night I saw the moon. She was so bright, so full and so lovely! I was happy I saw her and it brought a happy ending to a lovely prequel of spring.

The only thing I missed were the dancing trees last night. Did any of you happen to catch a glimpse?

The Mom Song

2009-02-06T07:51:00.003-05:00

I saw another version of this video sometime ago but I enjoyed this version a bit more. The lyrics are in the video so you won't miss a word, not that you could, she's a mom after all.

I think the strangest thing for me is that the older I get the more I morph into my mother. It amazes me how you just don't appreciate what mothers are saying until you are older. The light bulb went off for me when I was in my thirties. I mean I always loved my mother but I did not realize on a heart level what was really involved in raising four children in a less than functional situation. The heartache and joy of child rearing is intense in the best of circumstances, but she did it, and I must say, looking at my siblings and I, she did a hell of a job. None of us are perfect, but we are loving human beings, we love our kids, we work and we try to contribute to society.

I remember one time sitting at the top of the stairs at her house, maybe it was 5 of so years ago and after a few beers, she said to me she felt like she failed as a mother. I told her she was the absolute best mother ever, and I meant it from the bottom of my heart. I have always said that...she was strong, she tried so hard, and could admit when she was wrong. She loved her kids and although she was no Donna Reed, she was perfect for us kids, G-d knows she needed lots of stamina with me.

So anyway, here is to all mothers, daughters and even sons out there!

And remember, dear children, you WILL appreciate my counsel someday, especially when you do have kinderlach of your own (you KNOW what they say about karma...) Yep, then you will realize I am usually right...it's a mom power we have...

Snow Day

2009-01-28T07:31:00.004-05:00

Today it finally snowed and Philadelphia looks quiet lovely for it. There is not very much out there, maybe an inch or two, but schools are closed and office buildings are on a two hour delay. I am glad for it, very glad. About ten years ago you would have heard me complain about the fuss of closing schools for a whole inch of snow. After all, I grown up in Chi-town and we always had school unless there was an actual blizzard occurring. OK, that may be a slight exaggeration, but only slight. Many a recess was spent building snowmen and trying to actually make an actual igloo we could sit in. As I recall we got close once...I think someone brought one of those new snow block makers in. But now I sing a different tune. We have so few snow days any more, it would be a real travesty for the children not to be able to play in them as much as possible. As it is, I look outside and see that the snow is turning to rain, so unfortunately all this will make for is very dangerous driving and not many snowmen.

It makes me happy to think about a friend who called me early this morning to check and see if there was school today. She informed me that her children were already playing outside in the precious snow. I remember those days, my children all dressed and bundled up, ready to get outside bright and early. I miss snow days and I am so grateful for one today.

But you see that is just it, it's not just for the children, it's for me too, the grown-up, I need a snow day too. I need to stop and look at the wonder of a world covered in white. I need to extend a mitten covered hand and catch a snowflake and try to see if they are all truly different, even if science has already proven it. I need to stand outside and try to catch a few on my tongue, regardless of pollution and acid rain. I need to build a snowman with a carrot nose and coal eyes, even if it will melt by the end of the day. I need to throw myself on the ground and make a snow angel in spite of the fact that I will more than likely be making a slushy grass angel. I need a snow day to rediscover the wonder of a quiet walk in the woods, the clunky feeling of heavy winter boots and the cleansing feeling of breathing in snowy air. The only thing I am lacking is grilled cheese sandwiches and hot chocolate. I do have tomato soup though...care to join me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

This is my son at about 15 months old(c.1987)with his very first snowman. We borrowed his father's tie to spruce him up a bit. Good times!

A song for Parasha Shemot

2009-01-17T22:32:00.003-05:00

While I was preparing a project for the children to work on, a tune came to my head. I love when that happens, it reminds me of what it might have been like for the Rebbes to hum their niggunim. I know my little tunes may not be from the highest of the mystical places, but nonetheless, they feel like they come somewhere up there. As the tune became more and more defined so did some words. So here are the words to my once wordless melody. I thought I would teach it to the children, but that I think is a bit too long for them. It is rather a folksy tune, so it would be better at a campfire with a guitar and my new mandolin.

Shemot

In Mitzrayim we were enslaved,
Treated badly every day.
The Paro made a cruel decree,
but Shifra and Pu'ah did not agree.

(Chorus)

Soon there will come a day,
The Jewish Nation will all say:
Geulah is finally here!
Baruch Hashem the day is near!

Yocheved trusted in Hashem,
She knew in this she could depend.
Moshe down the river went
In the clay lined box that he was sent.

(Chorus)

Soon there will come a day,
The Jewish Nation will all say:
Geulah is finally here!
Baruch Hashem the day is near!

Batya heard a baby cry,
And stretched her hand to find out why.
Hidden in reeds no one could see
Miriam watching carefully.

(Repeat chorus)

Batya saw the baby was a Jew,
And Miriam knew just what to do!
She came out of her hiding place
And gazed into the princess' face.

(Repeat chorus)

"A nurse for the baby I shall find,
A gentle woman good and kind."
Miriam ran to her family,
And told her mother so she would see.

(Repeat chorus)

Yocheved nursed her baby boy,
Her heart was bursting with such joy!
Back to the palace Moshe was sent,
Until the time that he was meant.

(Repeat chorus)

Soon there will come a day,
The Jewish Nation will all say:
Geulah is finally here!
Baruch Hashem the day is near!

By Philly Farmgirl Tevet 5769/01-2009

Well, I do try at least...

2009-01-13T16:07:00.001-05:00

Your Word is "Peace"

You see life as precious, and you wish everyone was safe, happy, and taken care of.

Social justice, human rights, and peace for all nations are all important to you.

While you can't stop war, you try to be as calm and compassionate as possible in your everyday life.

You promote harmony and cooperation. You're always willing to meet someone a little more than halfway.

What's Your Word?

FRUM Kids say the darndest things...

2009-01-13T13:25:00.003-05:00

As some of my children in school are rather small they still need my assistance in bathroom hygiene. Upon helping a smaller one finish up in the bathroom, I reached for the box of tissues and helped her clean herself. Gazing at the roll of toilet paper she says to me, "It's not shabbos so I wanted to use the toilet paper."

Because right about now...

2009-01-12T21:05:00.002-05:00

we all need a smile! Enjoy!

PS. I am planning to rejoin blog-o-sphere soon, just been UBER busy!

movie1
Uploaded by yokbh

Beautiful Music

2008-12-21T00:23:00.002-05:00

One of the things I am constantly on the search for is beautiful Jewish music. Now I understand beautiful music is in the ear of the beholder, but perhaps you will enjoy this as much as I did. I found this on youtube.com posted by Rabbi Lazer Brody.

Ani Ma'amin...

Vayeishev

2008-12-18T22:38:00.005-05:00

Darkness over powers me, shrouding me in confusion,
so thick I struggle to catch my breath.
There is no light.

I lift my hand, straining to see it's outline,
It seems I have been swallowed,
Swallowed whole into a pit.

I try to walk forward
but the dark dream has shackled my legs...
and my heart.

The silence screams at me,
and the voices mock me.
I look and look and find not even a shadow.

I sink to the ground and I weep.
My tears sting my eyes,
and the darkness places a blanket of despair upon me.

Opening my swollen and bitter eyes,
I see a pin prick of light.
A single tiny spark, perhaps a flame...

Burning, burning in the distance.
I reach out, but cannot stand.
My legs will not hold me.

I begin to crawl,
to crawl to the light.
How ever faint it or I may be.

by: Philly Farmgirl

Three Interesting posts I found

2008-12-11T06:54:00.004-05:00

First one on My Island:PostPartum Depression in the Jewish Community

Over at A Mother in Israel's blog: Breastfeeding and Judaism: Why Moses' Mother Didn't Put Bottles into the Ark of Bulrushes.

and this one which some may find controversial on Little Frumhouse on the Prairie: Prescription for Psychiatric Issues - Increased Emunah?

All three of these are for sure worth your time reading and of particular importance to us ladies.

Forty things: Just for Fun

2008-12-10T17:18:00.007-05:00

OK, saw this on a friends blog, thought to myself "my turn!"

1. Do you like blue cheese? Um, I don't think so.

2. Have you ever done something you regretted? Yes, but I try to remember that decisions made in my youth need not be repeated. I try to learn from them, although it seems at times I am an awful slow learner.

3. Do you own a gun? Actually no, but I am a pretty good shot.

4. What flavor of Kool Aid was your favorite? Ha! Cherry, the really poisonous stuff!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Oh yeah! Don't know why, but I do.

6. What do you think of hot dogs? BLECH!

7. Favorite Christmas movie? ROTFLOL!! Well, the truth is, I am a sucker for Bing, and "Elf" was really funny.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Coffee all the way and at least two mugs please.

9. Can you do push ups? Well, kinda but they usually end up as flop downs.

10. Favorite hobby? Knitting and spinning fiber.

11. Do you have A.D.D.? Only in stores, just ask anyone who knows me, especially my children.

12. What's one trait you hate about yourself? How nervous I get waiting and how personally I can take things.

13. Middle name? Nechama

14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? a) parent teacher conferences b) this stress headache c) I really need to get peaceful

15. Name 3 drinks you regularly have? Coffee, water and herbal teas

16. Current hate right now? Feeling overwhelmed

17. Favorite place to be? With my family, and I am dead serious! I love being with them. There is alos this certain field in Lancaster COuntry that I will still frequent occasionally. I just love it there. There is a dairy farm to the left, tress to the right and usually corn growing in the back. It's a hill top view and it is so pretty. Any time I can I go there by myself and just sit and talk.

18. How did you bring in the New Year? Religious: "Two days of synagogue, punctuated by lots of good food, and challah or apples with honey." Secular: friends come over and we watch old movies and eat junk food. Safe and oh so fun!

19. A place would you like to go? Wow, this is a toughy. There is a ton if the US I haven't seen, I would like to go out west, Oregon, Washinton, California. I would like to go back to Israel. I would also like to go to Ireland and Spain.

20. Name three people who will complete this. No idea -but have fun with it ;-)

21. Do you have slippers? Yes, warm fleece lined UGGS. (Hanukah gift last year)

22. What shirt are you wearing? Burgundy long sleeved tee under a denim jumper. (LOL, I've got the homeschool uniform on!)

23. Do you like sleeping on satin? Ew!

24. Can you whistle? Oh yeah! In fact I perfected it when we lived in Lancaster and I would want to call my children in. The would be off in the fields playing somewhere so I would let loose three loud piercing whistles from my front porch and they would come a running. I have actually used it a couple times here in Philly, still works. :)

25. Would you be a pirate? Hmm, nope not me but my daughter would.

26. What songs do you sing in the shower? Country music (Love the new Sugarland CD) or preschool songs that are stuck in my head. 'Tzaddi-dalet-koof and hey, give tzedakah every day...'

27. Favorite girl's name(s)? Rachel and Tzivya (duh!)

28. What's in your pocket right now? cell phone, a piece of jet, Burt's Bees honey lip balm and one of my students mitzvah notes °Ü°

29. Last thing that made you laugh? The fact that I have a child's mitzvah note in my pocket.

30. Favorite bed sheets as a child? Who do you think raised me? I had plain, clean sheets that fit my bed.

31. Worst injury ever? Burns

32. Do you like where you live? Now listen, if you have been on my blog before you know I am pretty constant in my desire to go back to the country and the main reason I am here in Philadelphia is because there is a nice community here. Now, if I find ten families to go start a rural frum community or if I found out one existed, I am outta here! (b'ezrat Hashem)

33. How many TVs do you have in your house? One :-/

34. Who is your loudest friend? Chaviva

35. How many dogs do you have? One wonderful black lab

36. Does someone have a crush on you? Do four year old boys count?

37. What is your favorite book? Rebbe Nachman's "Outpouring of the Soul" This book has helped me on more than one occasion. Any of Jane Austen's would also be up there.

38. What is your favorite candy? Dark chocolate..oh wait I forgot chocolate is food.

39. Favorite Sports Team? EAGLES and the Philadelphia Phillies WS2008 champs!! WooHoo!

40. What song do you want played at your funeral? We don't do songs at funerals but if we did, "Adios con el corazon".

Oy Vey, Rudy!!

2008-12-10T07:22:00.003-05:00

Down in North Carolina they will be singing Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer in the Christmas pageant much to the dismay of a local jewish mother. This mother had asked the school board to not use the song because it had the words 'Christmas' and 'Santa Claus' saying they were religious overtones that she did not want her child exposed to and the school was a secular environment. At first the principal pulled it from the program, but unhappy parents flooded the school board with phone calls and the song was put back in. According to Fox News, she got lawyers involved. She lost. Apparently she asked for a Hanuka song to be included but since 'Rudolph' was ruled secular they declined to do so.

The main thing that frustrated me about the video interview, is the reporter begins by painting a picture of a over reactive grinchy mother who would steal the joy of christmas from the other children. After effectively convincing you she is nuts there is the mention of 'oh and by the way, she's Jewish'. Nice, eh?

This is a decent example of why I chose to homeschool. This child could certainly opt out of the school pageant but she could not opt out of weekly music class. It's true that the characters of Rudolph and Santa are secular. (actually Santa may have pagan roots so he is certainly not christian.) The song itself does mention the word Christmas and isn't like the song 'Frosty the snowman' which is purely secular. And although the holiday of Christmas is mostly secular in celebration now, the actual word 'Christmas' is obviously christian. So what was the mother to do? Obviously the school board thought they were being sensitive to their populace by not including songs like 'Silent night' but it still poses a bit of a problem. On top of that they could have easily included "Dreidal, dreidal, dreidal" to the program as a Jewish secular alternative, I mean nothing religious there...or is there?

Victorian Homemaker's Schedule

2008-12-08T22:26:00.004-05:00

As many of you know, I love lists and making schedules. They make me feel more focused and oh so organized. Now successfully implementing and following them is quite another story. It has been an ongoing challenge for me. At times I have had temporary but great successes with them. Of late I have managed to, more often than not, accomplish a daily 'top six' list and that has been very encouraging! During a recent search for homemaking helps I came across this Victorian schedule on the Vintage Homemaking Site. My oh my, looking at this schedule I wonder how the mothers of the past did all this and manage to prepare for shabbat! It's such a challenge in today's day and age, and we have all the conveniences. The website did have a caveat so that was a wee-bit of a sigh. Organization skills though do seem to be the key to this happy homemaker.

from The New Housekeeping Efficiency Studies in Home Management
1912,1913

Rise 6:30 o’clock.

Breakfast 7 o’clock.

Dress little boy; scrape and carry dishes to kitchen; air beds. Baby’s bath,

7:30 A. M.; the baby naps from 9 to 10 A. M
Wash dishes, plan meals, cook and prepare for dinner, 9 to 10 A.M. (Little boy plays on porch or in room.
Make beds, sweep, dust, 10 to 11 A. m., while the baby is awake.

Prepare for luncheon, sew half an hour while playing with the children, 11 to 12.
Lunch with both children at noon.

Leave luncheon dishes unwashed, so as to nap an hour at once with children, uninterrupted.

Dress self and children at 2 P.m.; go for walk, market, or make a call.

Home again, 5 P.m.; give children supper, start own supper.

Give children bath, put them to bed at six O’clock.

Have own supper alone with father, 6:30 P. m.

Wash dishes, and while doing so prepare cereal, fruit, and the baby’s gruel for the “fireless cooker.”

Finish about 7: 30 P.m.

Jews in Puerto Rico

2008-12-08T07:05:00.005-05:00

This video is an interview with Rabbi Avraham Goldstein. His organization "Toras Chesed" has done amazing work with gerim in Puerto Rico and Latin American countries. In fact, he has established an entire community in Puerto Rico of gerim! His organization has also done anti-missionary work in these Latin American countries.
The interview is a full interview so it is a bit lengthy but truly worth your time. Also there is a very special treat for you at the end from this special rabbi!

And you thought the only Puerto Rican Jew was Juan Epstien from "Welcome Back Kotter", whose character by the way was halachically Jewish according to this.

A True Herione

2008-12-08T06:21:00.002-05:00

Please take a minute and behold a true heroine, Sandra Samuels. In spite of her protests she is couragous, she is brave and she is a hero. She has given up her life to care for one of our own, Moshe Holtzberg who she saved from a nightmare. She has left her two adult sons behind in India and has moved to Israel to care for this little one. I was touched when I watched this video. Moshele laughs and plays like every normal two year old and then goes bounding into his Sandra's arms. B"H, he has her! This little neshama was rescued and brought to safety by the ones his parents chose to care for him. Little did they know that their very wise decision would end up being Moshe's salvation. Hashem tells Avraham Avinu that He will "bless those that bless him" and this is my prayer for Sandra. I pray the G-d of Avraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov would bless this righteous woman with all good things, with good health, long life and wisdom. May she continue to be a blessing and comfort to Moshele and his family, and may she be rewarded 100 fold for her strength and bravery.

Watch CBS Videos Online

I'm Marianne Dashwood?!

2008-12-07T11:37:00.003-05:00

Take the Quiz here!

Oh my word, I can hardly believe it. I know it is just a quiz, certainly not a psychological evaluation, but still and all. I always fancied myself an Elizabeth Bennet or Elinor Dashwood. You know the intelligent, together, self sacrificing type. Also I did not regard myself as being terribly romantic, but perhaps there is still some remnant there unawares to me.

Please do not misunderstand, I am by no means ashamed of this Austenian heroine. In fact she proves herself quite worthy of admiration because of her own growth of character. Hmmm....admirable qualities indeed.

*Kisses to my youngest who started this Austen quiz taking mania in my home. Good fun!

D'oh!!

2008-12-04T23:45:00.002-05:00

Man, you gotta remember to read, reread, and then reread yet a third time your assignments in college! I have officially screwed up my first assignment. Without boring you with all the details suffice it to say, I thought my syllabus said to choose one of the six quizzes listed and it meant to do each one of six quizzes listed! Crud!

Darkest Before Dawn

2008-12-03T16:36:00.006-05:00

You know, as I am writing this I just thought to myself, how appropriate the title is, my mother's name was Dawn. I hadn't intended to write about my mother but since I am here I think I shall.

I wasn't born from my mother, my birth mother died in a fatal car accident when I was 5 months old. She was on her way to pick me up from my grandmother's home. I always seem to feel this echo of pain when I think of her. I mean I never really knew her, and don't even know much about her. I have heard all the family myths* about her and I choose to believe everyone of them. My first real memory is of my mother, Dawn. I was only two years old and I was taking a bath. Not so many years ago I shared this memory with my mother and she told me then, that was the very first time we had actually met. She was surprised I remembered this moment so clearly. I told her I remembered looking up from the tub where I was playing and I remembered calling her 'Mommy'. The adults who were there, my grandmother and aunts, were quite shocked at my declaration. But I knew her, I knew who she was. Before her, I knew my heart must have been waiting for her to come. Someone once told me that Carmen, my first mother, had picked her out for me from the other side. She knew she would care for her daughter. I choose to believe this too.

I cannot imagine what my life would have been without her. I know I would not be the woman I am now. I know not how dark my life was prior to her entering it, but I know how it is without her here. She brought light and love to my life. She raised me as her own, I did not even know she did not birth me until I was almost 10 years old. She is the only mother I have ever known.

I have been thinking alot about dear Moshe Holtzberg, who's parents were murdered last week in Mumbai, India. I think about how he clings desperately to his beloved Nanny. My heart breaks for him. My prayer is that someone will rise up and love him as a mother. This is no easy task, to give of yourself in this way, but I know it is possible. I know that all of Chabad will care for him, and that he has his grandparents and extended family to help nurture him, but beyond that this precious one needs a mother. I pray she finds him.

Even in the light of day, the world can seem like a very dark place. "It is always darkest before the dawn." These are supposed to be words of encouragement to get us through the troubling and frightening times. The days are growing shorter and colder, and the nights longer and darker. We are soon coming to the time when there will very little daylight and very long nights. In the midst of that darkness we will light a lone candle on a lamp stand. As each day gets darker we anticipate the menorah and it's lit branches. We anticipate the light. We wait for the joy that comes with dawn.

In one of my mother's craft containers I found several boxes of Chanukah's candles, candles that she bought for the menorah I gave her as a gift many years ago. This year I will be the one lighting the menorah and I will probably cry each time I do. I miss my beloved mother, both of them. I will think of the light of life and love they both gave me. I will feel the darkness of the empty place that has been left in my life. As each candle is added, and the light of the menorah and each day grows brighter I will look to the dawn and I will hope. I will have hope for my life and the lives of my beloved children. I will have hope for the life of dear Moshele.

I will also have hope that all people and the world we live in will someday live in peace. I will hope for the day when we 'beat our swords into ploughshares' and love will truly be all we need. I will have the hope that a single candle will indeed banish the darkness and all of us, every man, woman and child will walk in the joy and freedom of the Light.

* I use the term myth with no disrespect intended at all to my mother who gave me life. The way I am using this word is in the context of 'sacred story telling and memories'. Whether they are absolute truth or idealized interpretations of my mother matters not to me. She enabled me to come to earth. She nursed me and dearly loved me. Of this I am sure. She lost her life, perhaps, even because of her love for me. I choose to believe every sacred story I have ever heard about her, for I have no real memory, only the echoes of her love and my echo of loss.

My heart is broken

2008-11-28T10:23:00.004-05:00

Terrorist have done it agian. Murdering innocent people because of hatred. I am so heartbroken. I do not understand and never will. I don't understand how this can occur and why? DEAR G-D IN HEAVEN, WHY?!?!?

5 Dead in Mumbai Chabad House Terror Attack

Psalms Chapter 44

1. To the chief Musician for the sons of Korah, A Maskil.
2. We have heard with our ears, O God; our fathers have told us, what deeds you performed in their days, in the times of old;
3. How you drove out the nations with your hand, but planted them; how you afflicted the people, and cast them out.
4. For they did not get the land in possession by their own sword, nor did their own arm save them; but your right hand, and your arm, and the light of your countenance, because you did favorably accept them.
5. You are my King, O God; command deliverance for Jacob.
6. Through you we will push down our enemies; through your name we will trample down those who rise up against us.
7. For I will not trust in my bow, nor shall my sword save me.
8. But you have saved us from our enemies, and have put to shame those who hate us.
9. In God we have gloried all the day long, and we praise your name for ever. Selah.
10. But you have cast off, and put us to shame; and you do not go forth with our armies.
11. You make us turn back from the enemy; and those who hate us take plunder for themselves.
12. You have given us like sheep to be eaten; and have scattered us among the nations.
13. You sell your people for nothing, and you do not ask for a high price.
14. You make us a taunt to our neighbors, a scorn and a derision to those who are around us.
15. You make us a byword among the nations, a shaking of the head among the people.
16. My confusion is before me all day, and the shame of my face has covered me,
17. Because of the voice of him who taunts and blasphemes; because of the enemy and avenger.
18. All this has come upon us; yet we have not forgotten you, nor have we been false to your covenant.
19. Our heart is not turned back, nor have our steps departed from your way;
20. Though you have crushed us in the place of jackals, and covered us with the shadow of death.
21. If we had forgotten the name of our God, or stretched out our hands to a strange god;
22. Would not God search this out? For he knows the secrets of the heart.
23. But for your sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.
24. Awake, why do you sleep, O Lord? Arise, do not cast us off for ever.
25. Why do you hide your face, and forget our affliction and our oppression?
26. For our soul is bowed down to the dust; our belly cleaves to the earth.
27. Arise for our help, and redeem us for the sake of your loving kindness

An Article and Request I found for Chabad Family in Mumbai

2008-11-28T09:06:00.001-05:00

Happy Birthday Moishe, in Mumbai

by Hana Levi Julian

Two of Mumbai's most luxurious hotels are darkened and the streets outside are filled with soldiers, but around a small Jewish boy this weekend the air will be filled with the light of the Hebrew month of Kislev.

Little Moshe Holtzberg will be two years old on Saturday, according to his grandfather, Rabbi Shimon Rosenberg, who arrived from Israel with his wife Yehudit early Friday to care for the boy while his parents continued to be held hostage in the Chabad House they run near Mumbai's Oberoi-Trident Hotel.

Moshe's father and mother, Rabbi Gavriel and Rebetzin Rivka Holtzberg, were reportedly unconscious when the family's babysitter fled the besieged building with their toddler in her arms early Thursday morning.

"We met with our grandchild, and it was a very emotional thing," Rabbi Rosenberg said in an interview on Voice of Israel government radio. He noted that the last time he and his wife had seen his grandchild was during the Hebrew month of Elul, which falls in Septembert.

"He is alive and healthy... The doctor checked Moishe and everything is okay, Baruch Hashem ('Thank G-d')," he said, adding that he knew nothing more about the condition of his daughter Rivka and her husband. "I am not getting any information from officials, only from the media," he said.

Rabbi Rosenberg expressed his continued hope and optimism that all would turn out for the best. "Tomorrow, Shabbat, the second of Kislev, is his second birthday. We would be happier if it were with the parents, but we believe that by Shabbat, we will see the light and celebrate with his parents," he said firmly.

"Kislev is the month of light and redemption," he continued. "The help we need now is prayers, and happiness. Act out of happiness, all together," he urged listeners.

The hopeful father added "a personal request," asking that "every woman and girl light a Shabbat candle for Rivka bat Yehudit and her husband, Gavriel Noach ben Frieda Bluma. Fill the world with light for the Heavens," he said, "and we will be rewarded with redemption."

Please Pray

2008-11-27T23:37:00.005-05:00

Please say tehillim! Tehillim Hotline

"People are urged to pray for the well-being of the couple (whose Jewish names are Gavriel Noach ben Freida Bluma and Rivka bas Yehudis) and all others affected by the tragedy."
(from Chabad.org)

UPDATE: Residents at Mumbai's Nariman House Still Unaccounted For

UPDATE: Jewish Child Safe in Hostage Crisis at Mumbai Chabad House

Any room on that plate??

2008-11-25T07:37:00.002-05:00

We have all heard the expression, "My plate is full!", indicating that not another thing could be taken on, but if you are anything like me you know that there is likely someway to fit even MORE on there, for example by heaping it on top. Well, this is where you presently find me dear friends. I have filled my plate and decided to heap just a bit more on top of it. Along with family, home, work and a few other extracurricular activities I have just added school! Yes, Philly is going to school to get her degree in elementary education. I am attending an online school which should make this addition pretty manageable, at least that is what I am hoping. My family is, as always, very supportive of me and my biggest fans. I decided to make this decision mostly out of necessity. Work and earning money is a fact of life, as much as I would like fantasize about the bartering days, the reality is what it is. I need a job that will pay me, although I will not become rich being a teacher, fortunately that has never been my goal. Apparently I seem to be pretty good at teaching and the truth is I do love working with children. They are a delight to me and I especially enjoy watching them as the light bulbs go off. Of course I could not do anything that would not make a difference in the world. What better way to impact the world and society than by being a teacher. I will of course still do my other jobs, being a doula for example.

Hmmm....I see a pattern here. I am a pro at beginnings. I love to help women give birth, help them raise and train their children, start people out on their journeys. Yes, I am the one at the beginning of the race coaching you to get moving and convincing you that you can do it. Guess that makes me a teacher. Now all I need is the paper to prove it to the rest of the world. Wish me success!

Knit, knit, knit your yarn...

2008-11-20T16:19:00.005-05:00

These days my mental health is being maintained by knitting. Yep, I bet you didn't realize how powerful knitting was. It can literally keep you sane. It is also contagious, at least that is what I am finding in my home. So here I am knitting and finding my daughters are knitting along with me! Yippee!! I decided to post some brag pics and show off our work.

This is a scarf I am currently working on for my son. When I asked him what colors he wanted he simply told me 'masculine ones'. OK, fine easy request, I went with this variegated brown, navy and light blue. It is almost done and I am so far pretty pleased. As you can see it is a simple ribbed pattern.

This is my youngest daughter's work. She has just started and I am quite impressed with how even and lovely her stitches are. They are a bit tight, but that is very normal.

This is my oldest daughter's work. She has added some purl stitches to her work and is just knitting for the fun of it! (Is there any other reason?)

The next two photos are some yarn I recently purchased. This yarn here in wonderful Philadelphia Eagles colors is going to become a scarf for my brother who is a true blue fan (or green is you will) of the home team. Lest you think I am totally unselfish, I bought ample yarn to make sure I had a scarf of my own to wear on game days! It'll go great with my jersey! Fly Eagles fly!! (OK, so they are not having a great season, just means we gotta show them more love...no fair weathered fans here!)

This lovely yarn was one of those love at first sights! The picture doesn't do it justice. It is such a pretty yarn that reminds me of seashells. I am hoping to make something out of the book "Ocean Breezes: Knitted Scarves Inspired by the Sea" with it, that is if my oldest doesn't sneak off with it. When I first brought it home she immediately announced "DIBS!" Talk about chutzpah! °Ü° Isn't is wonderful!

Last night we all sat in the living room knitting away. What a happy feeling for this Mama!

Time to relax...

2008-11-18T16:35:00.002-05:00

So, I had a hard day...actually several hard days. The one nice thing that going on is I am teaching my youngest to knit. She is catching on very nicely and I am thrilled. We were talking today and she mentioned how she thought you knit like they did in the cartoons when she was younger, you know with the needles up and clicking loudly. I laughed and told her I thought the same thing when I was a child. In fact I remembered once I came upon a blanket my mother was knitting and I thought to myself, 'I can do this!'. I proceeded to lift the needles up and down flapping my elbows like wings thinking that any minute I would be adding on to my mother's current project. Well, as you well know, it didn't work, but fortunately for me it didn't damage her work either!.
Here is a little cartoon I came across and thought it would amuse you all as it did me.
Happy day and happy knitting!

L'Oreal Women of Worth

2008-11-15T23:17:00.003-05:00

A friend of mine sent this to me (thanks S!) and I thought I pass along the favor to you all. Please take a minute and check out this website and vote for Jenine Shwekey. Read her bio and see why she is such a worthy candidate!

Early Morning Ramble and Country Memories

2008-11-09T07:33:00.004-05:00

It's early morning, my favorite time of the day. I have not been able to avail myself of this quiet time for what feels like too long. Most mornings these days, my family and I are getting up at the same time. Late nights mean late mornings and waking up at 7 am for me is plenty late. I really like to have an hour or so before they rise to just be quiet and think. 5:30AM would be ideal, maybe even 5, but most mornings I cannot open my eyes before 6:30-7AM. To me it feels like the day is well underway at that point and I need to play catch up.

I cannot believe how much my lifestyle has changed since moving to Philly. It's been seven years now since I have left Lancaster County and the country. I became Philly Farmgirl so as not lose my connection to my former country life. For nine years I had a real country life and now...well now there are sirens and helicopters flying over me disturbing our Shabbat dinner. I tried in vain to distract my family and guests by speaking of the parsha, but we all heard it. My next door neighbor's house got broken into last week and someone got shot around the corner from my home erev Sukkot. When I lived in the country I never even locked my doors. In fact it is was not unusual at all to come home to friends sitting in my kitchen having tea waiting for me to finally arrive. How lovely that was! I never took the key out of my car's ignition, never closed windows, never locked up, we knew we were safe. Now times are very different. We moved here to be part of a community, to grow as Jews and to give our children more opportunities at a frum Jewish life. I guess you got to take the good with the bad. I don't hate it here anymore, although I do not believe I will ever love it. I do enjoy the chaggim and seeing other Jews around me. When Chanukah comes I like that I am not the only home with a hanukiah in the window. I am just not a city girl, not anymore. I don't mind standing out or being different. I guess I am old enough not to care much about what too many people think.

I miss the friends I had then. The ladies who would just drop by and sit and talk with me about raising children, sewing clothes and their gardens. Man, I miss that so much. I seem to have yet to develop friends like that here, every once in a while I think it is going to happen and then...I am not sure. Thank G-d I have maintained a couple of those old country friends, perhaps though I should say they maintained me. Yes, I suppose that would be a more accurate assessment of things. My gypsy nature makes me such that I am a 'I'll see ya when I see ya-not good at returning phone calls or email' type of person and these dear friends won't let me get away with such discourtesy. Thank G-d. Actually, come to think of it I do have a lovely friend here who is the same way and won't give up on me. Hmmmm, see, it is good to write about these things, you become more aware of your blessings.

I am sure it is my fault that I don't have the type of friends I did then. I seem to have less in common with the folks here, and I am too stubborn to give up my ways. I think country folks may also understand your busy-ness better and so there is less of a problem with not calling, heck they will just show up on your doorstep. Country folks will also just do their work along side of you so that was an easy way of socializing. I mean in Lancaster getting together with the girls often involved canning, cooking, sewing, quilting, or something. Children were also younger then and my life was for sure way simpler. I can't seem to get used to the speed at which it is passing now and how rapidly things are changing.

It feels sad for me, I miss the country so much. I really do want to go back. I suppose though that being a religious Jew may not allow me to have as rural of a life as I once did, but who knows, maybe I will hit the lottery and be able to have two homes... Or I will find the rest of the bumble bee people and we will all move to the country and start a real rural frum community... Or I will just learn to be completely satisfied here and live life. I guess I will start there, I will just get off of here now and make a phone call.

But if you happen to see me, say hi and chat a bit! You will be able to easily find me. I will be the one in all the layered skirts walking down the street daydreaming about a farm and talking to the crows.

Changing my focus, again

2008-11-07T06:50:00.002-05:00

The rainy days of late have been a bit of a drag to me, along with the loud attitudes I was focusing on. But who's fault is that? Mine of course. I do try to accept responsibility for my own actions and who told me to keep looking at negativity. So I have decided to shift my focus, yet once again, and focus on that which brings me joy. This week the joy has come from...

~watching the light bulbs go off when the children get it

~the excitement in my kindergartners eyes upon actually reading their first line of chumash

~the timely phone call of a beloved friend

~one of my expecting mother posting her belly shots. She looked lovely and truly was glowing. Motherhood brings me so much joy.

~the anticipation of a day spent with friends surrounded by yarn and such

Like my Rebbe and one of my heroines have taught me, I am choosing JOY!!!

So there! °Ü°

A Note from R. Ariel Bar Tzadok of KosherTorah.com

2008-11-05T17:51:00.002-05:00

I wish to extend my personal congratulations and blessings to Senator Barak Obama on his historical ascent to the office of the President of the United States.
I pray that he and his family will be safe and well.
I pray that G-d may be with him and guide his heart as he takes on the mantle of this awesome responsibility.
I pray that all Americans, regardless of our differences, past or future, will rally around and pledge support to our new President. For as long as we live on American soil we have the moral and religious obligation to offer our support and our prayers.
May G-d continue to bless the United States.
May G-d graciously fulfill His Will upon us and bring in peace our blessed Mashiah quickly and soon, Amen.

-------------------------------------
Shalom, HaRav Ariel Bar Tzadok

http://koshertorah.com/

What is wrong with my People?!?!?

2008-11-05T07:45:00.004-05:00

You are breaking my heart!! What is wrong with you all?? Somebody wrote 'the Jews worst enemy is the Jews' and he is right, our worst enemy is us and it is being proven all around me. Instead of all this shtiot that people are writing about President Elect Obama, how about an "OK, so the Amercian people have decided, but we still have a KING. What happened to 'some trust in horses, some in chariots, but we trust in Hashem?' So Barak Obama is our new president, have you forgotten who is still King? Be a good citizen, quit yer kvetchin' and spewing hatred and get busy. We are supposed to be a light to the nations. We can't even seem to be a light among ourselves. We are supposed to be an intelligent people, all I see is hatred. We are supposed to be a light, all I see is darkness. Hashem is in control, he allowed this, didn't He? Or don't we believe he runs the Universe anymore? Israel is under His keeps, not anyone else's. How about upping tefilot instead of upping the sarcasm and hatred? I just do not get this at all.

I refuse to believe that this very vocal part of my mispocha represents the whole. I will not believe it. I will believe the best in my famiy and believe that all these voices are simply coming from a loud minority.

I will believe that Hashem will have mercy on us all and use this somehow to bind us together as a people and a nation, both Jew and non-Jew alike.

One last thing though...what happened to 'one must never despair, must always persevere, and should always be happy.' R. Nachman of Breslov??

Oh and to my Chabadnik friends, what happened to 'Tracht gut v'zien gut'??

You need to vote for...

2008-11-04T17:21:00.003-05:00

the candidate of your choice. Yes, that's right. It's not too late to do your homework and get to your nearest polling place and cast your vote. It is a right, a privilege and I think it is also a duty. I am not going to tell you who to vote for, I won't even make suggestions. It just isn't my style. I will ask you though to be smart, research, pray for wisdom and then go out and vote. Polls are open pretty late in most places so there is still time. Get off your computer now and get thee to a polling place!

This is Philly Farmgirl and I approve this message.

2008 World Series Champions!!!!

2008-10-29T23:00:00.003-04:00

WOO HOO!!! After 28 years the PHILLIES ARE THE 2008 WORLD SERIES CHAMPS!!!!

Hey, I am PHILLY farmgirl after all!

°Ü°

Some Autumn Poems/Songs

2008-10-28T17:32:00.006-04:00

So if you know me in 'real time' or have been following this blog for any length of time you know I enjoy writing my own little ditties. Well, I would like to share with you two I have written for the children at school. Hope you enjoy them! If you do decide to use this at a school of your own please remember what you teach your children and treat others the way you wish to be treated, in other words please just mention I wrote these. I dunno, just seems right. Besides someone suggested I put my ditties in a booklet and I am thinking about doing that. Who knows I could be the next Raffi or Uncle Moshe? °Ü°

Autumn Leaves

With this one I give each child a cut out or silk leaf and tell them to imagine they are a tall tree and this is their very last leaf of autumn. They stretch their arms up and hold their leaf high. During the first verse I ask them to wave their hands gently. During the second verse the sway their arms side to side. Third verse they release their leave and watch them float to the floor. During the last verse they pretend to splash colors about. We have a lot of fun doing this!

Autumn leaves are changing,
bright colors do I see.
Autumn winds are blowing,
the leaves from every tree.
Autumn leaves are falling
and floating to the ground.
Splashing brightly colored leaves
on every lawn in town.

Seasons

I haven't figured out anything yet to do with this one, mostly we just sing it!

Hashem gave us seasons
I love them one and all!
Winter, spring and summer
and brightly colored fall!
I love the cold of winter
and the warmth of spring.
But the cool and autumn colors
just make me sing!

Autumn colors
are bursting all around!
Leaves are changing
yellow, orange, brown.
Pumpkins and squash
are growing in the field!
And mommy cooks them up
for our favorite meals!

Rambling and Gratitude

2008-10-26T20:39:00.005-04:00

It is about 8:30pm and I am taking a break from my day to write here. My daughter is playing 'Victor's Piano solo from the Corpse Bride' in the background and the house is peaceful. I lit my candle chandelier and several other of the many candles scattered about my home and it smells of autumn spices and cinnamon. I am grateful to be able to breathe in the gentle fragrances and sit at peace here. I have been busy all day doing all sorts of things. I placed an order for school and made up some lists of things to do. I need to still make a rough draft of what I want to teach for the month of Chesvan. I really love Chesvan. I know it is also called marcheshvan, because of the lack of holidays, but I myself and quite happy for the non events in my life. Status quo and trying to get back to 'normal' are enough happenings for me, thank you.

There was a time when I loved and lived for the drama. Oh yes, drama was the soup du jour of my lfie and I enjoyed many helpings of it each day. As I have grown older and hopefully wiser, I have come to truly revel in the quiet and the moments that come to me. I try very much to turn my heart in gratitude for each moment and blessing that comes my way. It does take a certain amount of discipline to develop this awareness. I am also sad to say that in my case it took a certain amount of loss also to develop this. As I saw dreams and perceived realities slipping through my fingers I realized I better get grateful for my life and fast. I know I do not need to tell you this is not so easy a task and I confess, there are times that I am far better at it than others, but like many of you, I am a work in progress.

Being grateful for me means acknowledging as much of the good and as many of the blessings that comes to me as I can. It means to say it out loud, speaking to the Universe and thanking my Creator for them all. Not trying to take anything for granted.

Today I am grateful for these among other things:

A day spent at home.
Laundry done.
A beloved friend bringing coffee and uproarious laughter over embarrassing girl talk.
My youngest daughter sharing her day with a friend and then telling me all about it.
My son's devotion to his family and deep consideration for each one of us.
My husband listening to me even though it can be very hard at times.
My sister's phone call.
My friend's love for her father.
My oldest daughter's phone call home as soon as she got up. (she is away with her beloved cousin)
My burnt finger tip. (which means I was working with my glue gun today and made a magazine holder out of the empty diaper box left here after my youngest neice and nephews visit. Blessed creativity!)
Peace in my home.
The peace I feel in my heart right now in this moment.

The quietness of this upcoming month will, b'ezrat Hashem, enable me to focus even more on this gratitude and peace. Spending more time tending to my home and nurturing my creativity. Spin some wool, knit some, read and learn some and grow some. Refocus my intention and connect. As the earth pulls deeper into her rest I can join in with the season and rest my mind and heart too.

Outside our sukkah 5769

2008-10-17T13:34:00.003-04:00

Barukh haba! Notice I still have some cheerful zinnias and lovely lavender blooming!

Help yourself to the lemon balm, I have more than enough!

Sidewalk view of the sukkah.
Open either door, I am somewhere lurking about.

Inside the sukkah 5769

2008-10-17T13:30:00.000-04:00

I really delight in decorating my sukkah. As you see it is very simple but we call it home. I put pictures of tzaddikim, particularly sephardic, (hey, I'm proud, what can I say?) one of the future beit hamikdash (soon and in our time!) and others. I have some leaf garland hanging with tiny orange lights that give the sukkah a very warm glow.
This is where we place our candles and anything we may need food, extra paper products etc..
This is where we eat. You'd be surprised how many people we can fit here!
The sukkah is on our front porch off of my living room. The windows ensure us of not having to worry too much if the eruv goes down on shabbat.
Thanks for visiting! Please be sure to have a snack and make a bracha! Chag sameach!

So there I am on Ravelry...

2008-10-16T11:55:00.005-04:00

and what did I do, (upon a certain friend's prompting of course)? I queued about 21 projects for myself. Mostly simple things like dishcloths, scarves and shawls. I am really not so into making dishcloths, but they are a great small project and I thought a really good opportunity to practice new stitches. The shawls are lovely, one I especially picked out for my oldest daughter, a cute funky chunky one. I enjoy making scarves and a few of the scarves I am really excited about. I chose one hat to try out too. See, all of a sudden my family is on my case about making them stuff. I am working on a scarf for my son and have made for my daughters already. Last night my sister informed me that the knitting torch has been passed to me now that mommy is not with us anymore, so I better get knitting. Well, there are a bizillion patterns on ravelry.com to choose from so I have plenty to choose from to keep the torch burning brightly!

Check out Ravelry, apply for an invite, and join me in the fun!

It's a House

2008-10-16T10:56:00.004-04:00

First thing I did today was put on my apron. I know, it's not so 'yontif-dik' but I assure you it is my fanciest apron, it makes me feel warm and good which to me seems pretty 'yontif-dik'. I am happy to be at home and have my little neice and nephew here visiting. My youngest made a breakfast of pancakes for us and I took the little ones out to the sukkah to eat. They really enjoyed their breakfast and looking at the posters decorating my sukkah. My nephew pointed at my poster of the future beit hamikdash and said 'It's a house'. I told him actually it is the Holy Temple, but then I remembered the verse that says, "...for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all nations." (Isaiah 57:7) and thought better of my answer.

"Yes, your're right, it is a house."

Suspicious looking etrog???

2008-10-12T21:03:00.003-04:00

While making his way through airport security, my son was questioned, not about liquids over 3 oz. but about the suspicious looking, funny shaped item in his carry-on suitcase. What, you ask could he possibly be carrying?? Why it was his ominous looking etrog! Obviously there was no problem and my son made sure to give the airport security the heads up that they may be seeing several more of these things coming through. One thing you have got to admit, they are on the ball here in Philly!

And I was worried about the lulav going through.

Some good and healthy pre sukkot advice

2008-10-12T19:03:00.004-04:00

Supersize amounts of food have infiltrated my home for some time now and as we all know superzing food only adds up to a Supersized me and you. It is especially hard during shabbat and the chaggim to have control, and especially sukkot when it seems all you do is eat. On top of that there are so many wonderful fall recipes to try out and that I want to make plenty of.

If you are anything like me, you make enough food to feed your family and another ta boot. For some reason I am always afraid there is not going to be enough to go around. I know it makes no sense at all but I am pretty sure it's genetic. °Ü° Lately I have been trying to make more reasonable amounts of food.

After reading Rabbi Brody's post here on eating well during the chag and keeping the weight off I am re-inspired to mend my ways for mine and my family's sake and the sake of my guests. I always try to make healthy foods but even those foods in excess are not necessarily good. Besides I am not above putting excess brown sugar on my yams. I am going to endeavor not to do it this year. If you happen come by my sukkah this year I am planning to have healthy yummy food to eat and healthy snacks to enjoy. Even more than that though, we will have the sweet fellowship to enjoy and the joy, peace and simply beauty that flows from the holiness of the sukkah.

Post Yom Kippur ramble

2008-10-09T20:54:00.003-04:00

Yom Kippur is over and I pray that you all had a very meaningful fast. I am grateful to be able to tell you that I did, although I worked very hard for it. Kol nidre always sets my mind and heart reeling and I honestly could not tell you why. I have no absolute thought pattern going on, I just get this awesome anxiety that comes over me. I really tried very hard to be into very moment and read the prayers in English regardless of if I knew them in Hebrew. Let's be honest, rattling through a bunch of 'al chets' just doesn't mean as much or hit home as hard as 'For the sin of tale bearing' etc, does. I mean that just gets me every time. 'Yeah, did that, crud did that too, ouch...' I feel so awful and truly want to do better. I think it is a pretty good moral inventory, so no matter where you are holding there is always room for marked improvement.

Where my working hard came in was not allowing negativity and worry to take over. There are some things happening in my life that could have me very nervous if not downright frightened if I let them. But I keep fighting that, knowing that worry is praying in the negative. All during the services if I allowed my focus to drop, worry would come scampering in like a pesky rodent trying to get me to focus on it. I fought and fought and made it through each of the services. During the break it came back again and again I fought. Actually, I don't know if fighting is the right word, more like I refocused my attention. Yes, this is a better description.

I don't know if it was me but it sure seemed to me that there were alot more folks really into the davening this year. The energy felt higher, felt more intense. I don't know what was different about this year but it surely seemed that way and it was good. I pray that all of that kavana, all of the earnestness of prayer reached the portals of Heaven and we will see a real shift in the cosmos.

It's so amazing to me the ease of the fast itself too. Again I don't know if it's the kedusha of the day or what but I was not even hungry the whole day. The worse I felt was a heavy head and mostly I was tired. I did take a break during shacharit and sat outside in the lobby just reading prayers and having some one on one with the One. This too was very good.

I am grateful to have my whole family together with me during the chaggim. It is the first time in three years. I have come to a point to mark these moments and not take them for granted. I focus on the good and am grateful for each moment.

Well, I guess I am done rambling for now. Thanks for letting me share. Again, I hope you also had a meaningful day and that you and yours and me and mine are all sealed for blessing in all ways this year. That we are blessed with excellent health, parnasa, hatzlacha, simcha and much shalom. May our tefillot rise to shamayim and bring about the change in the universe and in this world that we all truly need. Blessings and peace to us all.

Today...

2008-10-05T23:04:00.003-04:00

was a good day. I started my day by making a 'To Do' list. Here is what it looked like:

-Smile
-Keep thoughts happy
-Speak words of life to yourself and others
-Assume the best
-Laundry
-Organize closet
-Clean Bathroom
-Dust bedroom

I managed to get most things accomplished and am quite proud of myself. The best part was keeping an eye on my thoughts. I had a peacful and productive day. This may just have to become a habit I pursue. I also did a short study on thoughts which you can see in the post below. I even printed it out in order to look at it daily.

I am grateful for today!

The Secret...of Rebbe Nachman

2008-10-05T21:59:00.005-04:00

Rebbe Nachman of Breslov teaches us :

You are wherever your thoughts are. Make sure your thoughts are where you want to be.

Make sure you don't allow your thoughts to become chometz--leavened. Don't dwell on bad thoughts or desires at all.

When a person purifies his heart and expels all unholy thoughts from his mind, thinking only good thoughts, he can bring about real miracles.

A person's entire destiny-for good or ill-depends on the thoughts in his heart.

If you allow yourself to be depressed about these kinds of thoughts (negative) it simply feeds them with more fuel. It is no good being upset or afraid of them. Just don't pay attention to them. Try and be cheerful.

The simple fact is that it is impossible for two thoughts to be in the mind at one and the same time. It is therefore an easy matter to rid yourself of bad thoughts by being quite passive. Simply don't think them. Think something else instead-think about Torah of devotion to G-d, or even about your work, and so on.

A person's thoughts are in his power completely. He can turn them in whatever direction he wants.

You must be very careful about what you think: a thought can literally take on a life of it's own.

...thoughts have great power.

Guard your thoughts carefully can literally create a living thing.

Tears, tears and more tears

2008-10-04T23:59:00.000-04:00

I think that I have become a professional crier. Seems I have become quite good at it and do it an awful lot. Most times I cry because I miss my mother so much, today was 6 months since she passed. I guess that is to be expected and is normal. Lately though I cry over things I no longer have control of. Maybe I never did. It's hard to let go. To let go of dreams, let go of memories, let go of plans, let go of who I was. They say, "Man plans and G-d laughs." Doesn't seem very nice if you ask me, but who I am to question right? Hmmmm...not really sure how to answer that one. Someone told me recently that the Rebbe of Lubavitch said we could make demands of G-d. Demands, eh? Yep, sounds about right to me. Maybe now is the time to pray in a different way. Maybe I need to set forth a few demands and hold Him to some promises I read He made me. Maybe, just maybe, the tears will end and turn to joy.

******************

Hear my prayer, O Lord, listen to my cry; do not be silent to my tears, for I am a stranger with You, a sojourner like all my forefathers. Tehillim 39:13

******************

You have counted my wanderings; place my tears in Your flask-are they not in Your record? Tehillim 56:9

******************

My soul thirsts for G-d, for the living G-d, "When shall I come and appear before G-d?" For me my tears were sustenance day and night, when [they] say to me all day long, "Where is your G-d?" Tehillim 42:3-4

******************

“How very good it is, when you can awaken your heart and plead until tears stream from your eyes, and you stand like a little child crying before its father.”

“Speak to G-d and understand your purpose in life. Think about yourself and beg for God to help you find Him."

"The main time King David secluded himself with God was at night, under his covers in bed. Hidden from the sight of all others, he would pour his heart out before God. This is the meaning of the verse; 'I speak every night on my bed in tears (Tehillim: 6:7).'"

Happy is he who follows this for it is above all else” (Rabbi Nachman’s Wisdom # 68).

In the market for a spinning wheel?

2008-10-03T14:25:00.006-04:00

Then by all means check out the new issue of Spin-Off magazine. Along with all the wonderful projects and tips on spinning fiber, this month's issue has a several page layout of information on almost all the wheels on the market. Of course the best way to find a wheel is to try it out but this list is pretty comprehensive, including prices! If you want a personal recommendation I can tell you I love my Ashford Traveller.

Next up, Yom Kippur

2008-10-02T17:36:00.004-04:00

Keeping up with the chaggim as a preschool teacher has more than it's fair share of challenges and insights. Today we were back at school with only today, half a day tomorrow and two days next week to prepare for Yom Kippur. I think you would be surprised at all there is for the children to learn about this chag. I decided to start with the story of Yonah. I used the Artscroll children's version of the book of Yonah and read it loosely from the text. I adore reading to children and am particularly fond of voices and dramatizing the story. The children sat through the whole story which is no easy feat for active 3-5 year olds. They asked alot of great questions like, "Why was Yonah upset at Hashem for saving Nineveh?" Neat, huh?

I love this story because much like Yonah I do not get Hashem sometimes. Where is the justice, the vengeance? The people of Nineveh were bad people, really bad, they deserved their come uppance, didn't they? Even now there are bad, truly evil people inhabiting the planet and yet, they continue to breathe. I just don't understand, but I suppose like Yonah, how Hashem deals with them is really none of my business. Heck, I even happen to have a fig tree outside my home and I could sit there and pout about it, but my luck the worm would miss the tree and eat my lavender plants.

See the thing is, if that were the case we surely would not be reading this story at Yom Kippur because this story is not about paybacks or getting what we deserve. It is about teshuva and forgiveness. Tough ones aren't they. It is also about not being able to run away from G-d. Try as you might apparently there is just no getting away from the Creator. It is amazing story of Hope and of Divine Love.

After reading the story of Yonah, I reflected a bit. Although I do not plan on wearing sackcloth and ashes or sticking my dog in sackcloth and making him fast next Thursday, (all the people of Nineveh, young and old and all their livestock wore sackcloth and fasted) I will don white, fast and I will pray and I will mean what I say. I will try to do and try to be better and I will even try to forgive.

Forgiveness is never easy, forgiving others is difficult, (no matter how Big or small they are), but to be sure forgiving myself is by far the hardest.

Boy oh boy, am I glad I am not G-d.

My Rosh Hashana

2008-10-01T22:41:00.003-04:00

5769 is here and as I said before I pray that it is a year filled with blessing and good things. I think the hardest thing for me this year was to watch and guard my thoughts. Negativity is such an easy habit to acquire and not such an easy one to lay down. As I observed my thoughts, I was amazed at how they would wander ever so subtlety to the negative side. I purposed in my heart not to allow that and it was no easy task. I attended services at a local Sephardi minyan both days and I really enjoyed being there. It felt very much like being with family and it was a good way to start the year. On top of that I was able to focus my tefillot (prayers) and try to have some kavanah (intention). Truth be told I was shocked when at a seemingly random time I found myself sobbing. Sometimes my own emotions shock me, they really do. I have felt so empty inside that to find tears streaming down my face, particularly during the service, startled me. I chose not to stop myself and allowed my heart to have it's way. I only hope that this is a sign of hope and and my heart will heal.

The first day I was particularly exhausted so fortunately my family and I had a lunch invitation. I was able to relax as far as the meal went and spent some lovely time with good friends and their families. It was particularly fun because two mommies I was doula for were there with their babies so I had a chance to reconnect with them. All of the children were delightfully distracting and their joy comforted me. I was even able to play a bit in spite of my immense over tiredness. Another of the great blessings of being there was having the opportunity to spend time with three dear sisters, two of which are Breslov and the other a dear Chabadnik friend. Seems silly I know to label them like that, but being a struggling talmidah of Rebbe Nachman it was good to have them there and gain a bit of chizuk from them. Mind you, we had no great chasidic debates, just simple conversations and encouraging stories about our respective Rebbes and others. It was good and very gentle. If this is an indication of what my year will be, then I look forward to the peace, comfort, and b'ezrat Hashem healing, that will come.

40,000 by Rebbe Nachman's Tziyon!!

2008-10-01T22:31:00.002-04:00

From Arutz Sheva News:

As many as 40,000 Jews of all stripes, mainly Breslover Hassidim, are already in Uman, in Ukraine, to spend the holiday at the grave site synagogues of their spiritual leader, Rebbe Nachman of Breslov, who passed away in Tishrei of 1810. Many say that their "Rosh HaShanah in Uman" is a life-changing experience, or at least provides them the spiritual replenishment they need for the coming year. Some rabbis, however, oppose the idea of leaving the Holy Land to spend holy days in the Diaspora.

This is amazing to me! Every year it grows and grows. It seems to me there must be a very good reason for this. Why would you pack up, leave your family at the beginning of the year and spend time in a not so modern town in cramped quarters to bring in the new year by a grave site? There must be something very special, very beautiful and very inspiring there to make this sacrifice.
To be by the Tzaddik is the ikar. Rebbe Nachman teaches us that the Tzaddik sweetens the judgement of Rosh Hashana, therefore you should strive to be with him on this day. I can only imagine the energy that is there and the fervency of prayer that is occurring. It is really quite amazing. I should think this would grant us a shift in the cosmos. I pray it does! L'shana tova to all of you and may you all be inscribed in the book of life for all good things this year!

The supermarket and a song

2008-09-29T23:36:00.000-04:00

I am not a big cereal purchaser, they are too expensive and too sugar filled.I do make exception once a week though and try to have it in my home for shabbat. It is a special and easy treat we all enjoy. So, there I am in the cereal section of the grocery store minding my own business and trying to find something that is yummy and not so sugared filled for my family to enjoy. I finally lay my hand on one that looks good, is organic and on sale ta-boot when all of a sudden over the intercom comes the song 'Johnny Angel' and I start bawling my eyes out. It was my mother's song to my step-dad.

Sadness really sneaks up on you doesn't it...just when you are not looking, BAM, right upside the head with a song.

I miss my mommy so much.

Dark Moon

2008-09-27T22:59:00.003-04:00

Did you ever notice my moon phases there on the right? I love watching the moon, watching as it waxes and wanes. The passage of time feels more obvious and gentle to me as I observe the coming and going of each new month. I just looked at it today and sure enough there is little moon outside. The new moon is coming! But this is no regular new moon, this is the last moon of the year and the new moon that will be birthed this coming Monday night is the first of the new year.

New year, new time, new everything.

As I think of of the blackness of the moon I would like to imagine this year and all it's pain and confusion being buried within it's darkness. It's been a hard year for me all the way around, physically, spriritually, emotionally, financially. It has been very hard and I am pleased to bid it adieu, never to be seen again. I feel hopeful that this year will be better, a year that will bring healing and peace again.

Yes, the dark moon brings me comfort with it's blackness. I wish to also be concealed, even buried within it's womb-like darkness and be reborn with it's first cresent. I hope that with each phase of it's rebirth that I too am born again to hope and love, that I see the good again and find peace. I pray to grow again into fullness and brightness, reflecting that which is good and beautiful.

It is my prayer for the new year. It is my prayer for me and it is my prayer for you.

Open Letter to the Jewish Blogging World

2008-03-13T08:22:00.003-04:00

STOP in the name of LOVE!!!

Stop focusing on how screwed up we are!
Stop focusing on how divided we are!
Stop focusing on everything about us that is negative!
It is helping to kill us!
It is helping to destroy us!
It is tearing us up from the inside out.

No, we are not perfect and there is more than enough to complain about and to point out that is wrong. But it seems there is more than enough focus on what is wrong with us. Do we not have anything that is good an beautiful to talk about? Can we not spend equal time focusing on that?

Please, at least let us try. Doesn't anyone else heart ache?

It has been a month...again!

2008-02-20T07:23:00.002-05:00

So family and friends, it seems this is the best I can do. Once a month posting and not a whole lot to say. Hard to return phone calls, emails etc. I feel most times overwhelmed although I work hard at staying happy. For sure it is mitzvah g'dolah. I really wish I could just stay home. It seems I have not been able to catch up with my modern lifestyle. But, no one will pay me to be a housewife and the bills still insist on receiving money, so this seems to be my lot. I know I should not complain, I really don't think I am. I admit who I am, how I feel and what the reality of life is. I know all this comes from Hakadosh, Barukh Hu, and so this too is for my good...and every little thing is gonna be alright.

'Don't worry...
about a thing.
Cuz' every little thing
is gonna be alright'

Absolute poetry!

Purim Katan

2008-02-20T07:19:00.002-05:00

I am so clueless as to the significance of Purim Katan...I keep wondering if it means we just get a little drunk?
I am kidding of course, so in my searchings, I came across this blog and this post. Closest thing I have come to something to enlighten me on this subject.

Are you on a big fish?

2008-01-23T07:05:00.000-05:00

The question the Rabbi brought out last night was why did Moshe Rabbeinu name his sons Gershom (I was a stranger in a foreign land) and Eliezer (The G-d of my father, came to my aid and rescued my from Pharaoh's sword.)? Apparently he was living a decent life in Midian with his wife, kids, and some sheep. Why give the children names that had to do with his past? Why not name them Simcha or Tov to reflect his life now?

So the answer comes to us from a story from the Gemara, tractate Bava Batra.

(These are from my notes not direct quotes, so the story is paraphrased.)

The Pardes Yosef tells the story (aggadah):

We were riding in a boat on very rough waters when we came across what appeared to be an island but was actually an enormous fish. We sailed the boat to the island/fish and got out. We immediately set up a campfire and began to cook. The fish then rolled over because of the heat and tossed us back into the stormy waters. Fortunately the boat was not too far away and we were able to swim back and pull ourselves back in to safety.

So now you may ask, 'What does this story have to do with the price of shwarma in Tel Aviv?' Well, I'll tell ya',that boat is Hashem (I think the Rabbi mentioned it was Olam Haba) but the safety of the boat is Hashem. The storm tossed waters are our lives and the fish, well that my friends is the galut, the exile. Here we are in the safety of our boat, managing to get through the tumultuous waters of life and we come across what looks like a pretty nice island. We suddenly think we found someting permanent, an island in the storm, and we immediately set up camp. We build our campfires, and then we build houses, we set up shop and then get down right comfortable. That is until the fish gets sick of us and decides to toss us from his back and then back into the waters we go! Thankfully our Boat is never too far from us, although we may have to swim like crazy to get there, the boat (Hashem) is always near.

Moshe Rabbeinu named his sons, Gershom and Eliezer because he understood this concept. He never forgot Who and where his home was no matter how 'comfortable' life in Midian may have been treating him.

So my two questions to all of us are:

1.Just how comfortable are we on this big fish we are riding?

2.How close are we keeping the Boat?

The Question of Aliyah part 2

2008-01-22T07:33:00.000-05:00

My daughter has returned from Israel less than enthusiastic this time around. Don't get me wrong, she had a wonderful time and it was amazing, but she saw alot of secular Israel and the less than spiritual side this time around. When she was there two years ago, she was relatively sheltered by her seminary, this time, she had to do a little spiritual fighting. It wasn't easy. I feel her vibe and feel the reality of the fact Eretz haKadosh is not always so kadosh.

Here is a great Q.& A. post over on A Simple Jew's site with Akiva of Mystical Paths. He and his family have made aliyah not too long ago so everything is very much in perspective. He is realistic and very encouraging.

Like I said yesterday, it is just a matter of Hashem's timing. My mind has not changed. We just might be having a longer engagement than first anticipated, but the wedding will happen, b'ezrat Hashem!

The Question of Aliyah part 1

2008-01-22T07:05:00.000-05:00

Two years ago when I visited Israel for the first time in my life I fell madly and passionately in love! I couldn't believe it myself when it happened. everything but everything was beautiful. Every rock, every tree glowed with such loveliness that I was swept away with pure love. There were no questions to be asked, we were moving to Israel and making aliyah.

Since that initial romance there have been many folks who for whatever reason feel the need to tell my family and I the 'reality' of my lover.

"How will you make a parnasa?"

"What do you plan on doing to make a living?"

"There is no money there!"

"Life is hard there."

"Everything is expensive there."

and on and on and on they drone...

and you know what, all of their statements are quite correct.

But here is my reality, I have lived in the United States all my life. I have been poor, lived in a ghetto, been on welfare, was a single mother, been down to a can of green beans, been down to a bag of flour, lived in an apartment with no furniture, had no heat one winter, etc. We have had our share of struggles and hardships right here in the good ole' USA. And through it all we saw the most important reality of all: Hashem Hu Ha Melech. G-d is the King. He ALWAYS but ALWAYS made a way for us. He never let us starve or freeze. Somehow, even though many tears may have been shed our prayers were heard and Abba came through. He always does.

The true reality is, when we move to Israel, whether it be a year from now or ten years from now, it will be when Hashem says so. Not before and not after. It will be as easy or as hard as it is supposed to be. The only questions that will remain is will I trust Him and will I merit to actually live there.

That my friends is the reality.

Letting go and Letting G-d parent my adult children

2008-01-21T17:59:00.000-05:00

Yippee! My daughter is back home again after two weeks in Eretz Israel. Needless to say I am so happy. I missed her so much. I know it was only two weeks but it felt much longer to me.

You see, this twenty year old woman I had the privilege of birthing is not just my daughter, she is my friend. I realized how she has become so much of a friend to me while she was gone. It amazes me. Talk about beyond your wildest dreams! She is so much a part of everything I do and am, and yet she is very much her own person. That is the part that is not always so easy.

Parenting adults, I am convinced, is far harder than parenting the little ones. When they were little it seemed fairly obvious what my role was and what I was supposed to do. Guide them, protect them, feed and nurture them. Although these tasks were not always walks in the park for me, it was simple and clear cut as to what was expected of me as a parent.

Now that they are adults it does not seem so clear. For me it has been a struggle to strike a balance of respect for their person hood and knowing when to speak and knowing when to shut up. Yep, that shutting up is a toughie. Allowing her the space and trusting her is just downright frightening to me. Yes, I know she is capable and competent etc., but my own experiences scream out at me to say something! But you see, that is the problem. They are MY experiences not hers. I made some other than wise decisions in my life when I was her age. She on the other hand has a self worth and faith that I never had at that age that enables her to make such good decisions. Decisions that blow me away! She has a head on her shoulders that I never had. What can you say to that except, Baruch Hashem, Praise G-d!

And then there is the issue of emunah, absolute faith, in G-d. Knowing that He is far better able to guide her than I ever will be. That He loves her more than I do, and that He has her best interests more at heart than I do. It's a struggle for me, but a struggle in vain. What I mean to say is, why do I struggle? It is just more growing pains, but more for me than anyone. As I let her grow, I too will grow. To be sure, this time sure keeps me praying. What choice do I have? I could keep trying to control, but the only one I can control is me. I could continue to struggle and fight but I am fighting with no one but myself.

I know I am still needed and necessary, but in a far different way. She still needs me to guide, protect, feed and and nurture her but in a deeper and not so obvious way. The trick is in figuring this out, and since I am just starting out on the leg of the journey it is a trick I have not yet mastered. So I guess the best thing for me to do is to 'let go and let G-d', which is a decision that is not easy because, well, I am me after all, but it is the one that will not only benefit me, but everyone I love too.

Wish me luck!

Shakia West

2008-01-20T13:10:00.000-05:00

Note: Post rated PG for mild use of language and strong use of opinion.

I don't know this young lady. More than likely neither do you. But what happened to her should not happen to anyone, anywhere. She is a 15 year old girl from West Philadelphia who was brutally attacked last Monday by 6-10 other girls with a box opener. I heard about Miss West on my drive this morning as I was flipping through the radio stations. A local talk show forum was speaking about her. Now this was the first I heard about this heinous attack because it is not my habit to listen to the news. It severely depresses me to do so. Accuse me of living with my head in the sand, but that is what helps keep me sane. But for some reason I had to hear this. When I did learn about this attack I was horrified! This girl was at the bus stop with a friend when a Dodge charger pulled up and apparently ten girls ages 14-17 attacked Shakia's friend. When Shakia tried to jump in and help she was rewarded with a trip to Children's Hospital and 114 stitches, 60 of which were to sew her nose back on. No one seems to know why the attack occurred, some are saying it was jealousy. The worse part about this was they were driven there by the Mother of one of the attackers! Can you imagine, a mother drove her child and her friends to attack someone else's child?

Is this is what our society is degenerating to?

Don't give me the plethera of supposed excuses as to why this happened. Poverty, music, the media don't help but there just aren't any real excuses. Even animals rarely attack in this way, let alone human beings.

Yes, I know this happens all the time, but for some reason I feel so struck by this young lady. Younger and younger they seem to be getting. Parents really don't seem to care about, let alone love their children. Yes, I blame the parents. What are they doing? Obviously not raising their children! Obviously not giving a crap about what they are doing! Apparently they are just arming them with a variety of weapons.

"Here honey, here's a box opener. Go kick that girl's ass!"

"Here sweetheart, here's a bomb. Go blow up some Jews."

"Here darling, listen to the poison spewing from my heart and mouth and hate that person who happens to be different than you."

Am I exaggerating? I wish I was. I wish I was just ranting right now, but even though I do not habitually read or listen to the news, the fact is this is happening at every moment. Talk about going to hell in a hand basket! What are we supposed to do? What is going to make tomorrow different? How are those of us who truly love our children, who really try to live a mesirat nefesh (self sacrificing) lifestyle, going to do to make the world a better place for them?

I know there has to be hope. I have to. I try hard to hold on tight to Hashem. I try hard to hold tight to His Torah. I try to hold tight to Rebbe Nachman's words, "It is forbidden to give up hope." LM II:78, but it is really dark out there sometimes.

Prayer is obviously the key. Prayer is our strongest weapon. But along with our prayers, we also need to act. Maybe I cannot stage a peaceful demonstration, it probably would not make a difference anyway. But I can live the life I believe in. I can try at least to do so. I can be kind and love my neighbor as myself. I can speak life to my children and to those around me.

I can surely do more than what I am doing and maybe, just maybe that will help. Acting as if...as if, what I do, does matter. That the energy I send, does matter. Keeping my thoughts close to Hashem, the source of all light. Maybe that will shed more light in this dark world and then finally bring the light of Moschiach. Ultimately it really is up to us. See, Moshe Rabbienu could not drag us out of Egypt, we had to get up and leave. And you know what, we still do.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Special prayers and blessings for Miss Shekia West. Your suffering is horrible, but somehow, in some way, good eventually comes from all things. You have reminded me to draw closer to our Creator. May this suffering become a strength to you. May G-d bless you.

While preparing for Hebrew School...

2008-01-20T07:11:00.000-05:00

I came across this map of Israel and was reminded of the one hit wonder song by Stealer's Wheel, "Stuck in the middle with you".

Think about it.

Boy, did it get dusty in here!

2008-01-16T05:46:00.000-05:00

Shalom aliechem and greetings to all! It has been three months since I wrote last and while there are many and varied reasons as to why I have not written, suffice it to say I am feeling like I am getting to a better place now.

See, that is the problem with these blogs. When I am in a less than desirable 'place' mentally, emotionally, even spiritually, I don't feel like I can write anything here. It's hard to be totally honest in blog land since I chose to not really be anonymous. I mean I have been recognized in public. No one knows my name, but they all ask if I am 'Philly Farmgirl'.(Check me out, a celebrity in my own mind, LOL!) Obviously I chose to not make this blog anonymous on purpose. I like to read blogs from people who I can see. They are real. I wanted to be that kind of blog. But, it does make you careful as to what you put out there for the world to see. It's probably not a bad thing actually. If I realized life is just that way, maybe I would always be more careful in what I said or allowed my mind to dwell on. Something to think about for sure.

Anyway, every once in a while I need to drop of the face of the cyber universe and re-focus. It's good for me. So lately I have been doing a lot of praying and some learning. My daughters and I have been attending a Tuesday night shiur locally. It is based of the weekly parsha and it is so enriching! The Rabbi who is giving it is a truly engaging speaker (ala R' Eli Mansour) and speaks from so deep inside his heart, you cannot help but come away with some spark of inspiration for the week. He has done so much to get the embers of my heart glowing again. I am so grateful to Hashem for these classes.

Both of my older children are in Israel. My oldest daughter is only gone for two weeks and will be back, G-d willing, on Monday. I know it is only two weeks, but I miss her terribly. My son won't be back until the end of the school year and it goes without saying, I miss him too.

My youngest and I have been having a great time just being together. We are enjoying each other's company and I especially enjoy her humour. She is so funny!

Well, that is my catch up for today. Maybe I will see you tomorrow?

Keep your eye on the light!

2007-10-01T10:47:00.000-04:00

Watch and listen and then heed the message!

"Do your best each day,
Try to find yoru way.
Keep your eye on the goal,
Bring out your soul.
Lift your head up high!
So much noise outside,
Keep your eye on the goal,
Bring out your soul."

Dedications...

2007-09-21T14:42:00.001-04:00

This song is dedicated to:

my beloved friend J. Do you know how much I love you?? How much you mean to me?? Days go by without seeing you, shabbat is always sweet.

also to B... I miss you.

and lastly to myself.

Breathe (2 AM) Anna Nalick

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
Can you help me unravel my latest mistake,
I don't love him, winter just wasn't my season
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites, you're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track,we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button girl,
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

May he turn 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
Just a day, he sat down to the flask in his fist,
Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year.
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But my God it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him, maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe, just breathe,
Woah breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel, you shout
'Cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
These mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, its no longer
Inside of me, threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
And breathe, just breathe
Woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

Chacham Ovadia Yosef: Use Caution By Kapporot

2007-09-17T19:02:00.002-04:00

It's funny I was just sent this article because I was trying to figure out what to do this year. I received the phone call yesterday that they will be doing kapparot tomorrow night and early Friday morning locally. I did kapparot last year and I remember feeling bummed out a bit because of it. Although I felt an intense sense of what the deep meaning behind the minhag was, I felt like the chicken itself did not get a whole lot of respect. There I was holding the hen out of her box, loving her and calming her down. I said the prayers and then got in line to wait my turn to hand my hen over to the shochet. After I did I felt like it was very UNceremoniously done.

Listen, the truth is, they are in a hurry because there are a lot of chickens to be done.

It's just...

I felt so bummed. For some reason I expected more for the chicken. You read stories about animals who WANTED to go to the Beit HaMikdash as a kappara, and although I know this is NOT a replacement in any way for our Holy Temple, I just thought there would be a bit more, I don't know... ceremony?

Anyway, this article gives me alot to think about.

L'shana Tova!!!

2007-09-12T18:05:00.000-04:00

To all! May you be inscribed for a wonderful year! May you receive blessing and happiness! May you draw closer to Hashem and to grow in Torah and mitzvot! And may this year be the one that we merit the coming geulah, with the rebuilding of our Holy Temple and the revelation of our Righteous Moshiach, speedily and on our time!!!

Amen v' amen!!!

Who's going to Uman???

2007-09-08T22:15:00.001-04:00

I want to send a kvittel to Rabbienu.

Help a sistah out!

Where I am holding

2007-09-07T18:49:00.001-04:00

The silent scream

You can shout and scream with a “still, small voice” without anybody hearing you. Everybody can do this. Imagine the sound of such a scream in your mind. Imagine the shout exactly as it would sound. Concentrate on hearing the scream in your mind until you are literally screaming with this soundless “still, small voice” – and nobody else will hear anything.

This is actually a scream and not mere imagination. Just as there are channels that bring the sound from your lungs to your lips, so there are nerves that bring the sound to the brain. You can draw the sound through these nerves, literally bringing it into your head. When you do this, you are actually shouting inside your brain.

When you imagine this scream in your mind, the sound actually rings inside your brain. You can stand in a crowd of people screaming this way and no- one hears you.

It could be that when you do this, a faint sound may escape your mouth. This is because the sound traveling through the nerves to the brain can also activate the vocal organs, and they may then produce some sound. But it will be very faint.

It is much easier to shout in this way without words. When you wish to express yourself in words, it is harder to hold the voice in the mind without letting a sound escape your lips. Without words, it is much easier.

Sichot Haran #16

Planning and Planting

2007-09-06T16:47:00.000-04:00

If you plan for one year, plant rice.
If you plan for ten years, plant a tree.
If you plan for a lifetime, educate your child.
-- Chinese proverb

Do me a favor...

2007-09-06T07:28:00.000-04:00

Before you make the phone call, pray.
Before you speak the words, pray.
Before you make a judgement, pray.
Before you feel the 'need' to say anything, pray.

...and then, pray some more.

Shed Omnipotence

2007-09-04T07:28:00.001-04:00

"The first step to take in order to become a Montessori teacher is to shed omnipotence and to become a joyous observer."

Maria Montessori
To Educate the Human Potential

Buh bye summer, hello BTS!!

2007-09-04T07:05:00.001-04:00

It is officially done. Summer schedules are over, late nights are kapoot and early rising has begun. It is BTS or Back to School for all you laymen out there.
I officially start today back at the preschool. Not only that, my youngest starts back at Homeschool High School. Can we say FULL PLATE!!

I cannot believe that I could not sleep last night. I mean, I slept a little bit, but I woke up several times thinking, "How will we do the tefillot again?" and "I can't wait to see so-and-so again!" I felt like a little child! Every year it's the same excitement! Do all the teachers feel this way?

We worked so hard to get the classroom set up and all the wonderful work out for the children. We also tried to create a peaceful environment along with an academically challenging classroom. Natural for the child and smooth flowing. To be honest, I look at it as a big homeschool away from home. I really cannot wait to see them and welcome all our little scholars.

To all my fellow teachers, at home and it the formal classroom setting, I wish you much success and blessing on your year. 'Shed omnipotence', trust in Hashem, keep a joyful heart and remember our focus and why we do what we do, the children!

Are you a Chasid?

2007-08-31T08:12:00.000-04:00

Last Shabbat my dear friend asked me if I was a chasid(teh). I paused and had to think hard about my answer.

If she asked me about being Sephardi, that's easy.
I am Sephardic--my family hails from Spain. My custom, traditions are sephardic. My Rav, sephardic. Easy right?

But a chasid?? That's a harder question.

I have been learning Breslov teachings for about 7 years, which means I probably should be further along than I am. I call Rabbi Nachman my Rebbe. I really love him. He quite literally saved my life. I try to follow and live his teachings to the best of my ability.

But am a chassid? I don't have a long chassidic background. And as I stated earlier, no Eastern European background.

I do have a desire to be closer to Hashem, to really live for Him and be a light.
But do I have what it takes to call myself a 'chassid'?

I told my friend I was a Neo-Chasid. Whatever that means...

I aspire to be one.

I try to be a good Jew, and I think that automatically makes me some kind of chasid(pious and kind).

But a work in progress to be sure.

Here is what Rebbe Nachman says: "I have broken your pride --no matter how you pray, they will say ,'He's a Breslover Chasid!'" Avaneha Barzel

Rebbe Nachman asked his followers: “Why don't you make your wives Chasidistehs?” (Siach Sarfei Kodesh 2, 1-14). (In Yiddish, “Chasidistehs” means “women Chasidim.”)

For more on Breslov and Women haz cliq aqui. ;-)

Happy Birthday Tzaddikim!!

2007-08-31T07:18:00.000-04:00

This chai Elul, Shabbat Kodesh, is the birthday of both the Rabbi Yisrael ben Eliezer, the Holy Ba'al Shem Tov, and Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi, the Ba'al HaTanya. Can I hear a "OH YEAH!!"?!?! I mean, how kewl is that?! So, along with the awesome joy and holiness of shabbat let's plug into the holiness of these great tzadikim. Learn Tanya, (it's not just for Chabadniks y'know) learn the stories of the Besht and try to be the best chasid you can be. I mean the deep spirtual kind of chasid, (striemel and bekesha/kaputa not required) that dances and sings and is a simple Jew who loves Hashem and just tries to please Him in ALL he does and says.

Note: as I was writing this, my little niece got herself in an awkward situation and could not stand up. My beloved, leaned over to help her. He looked at me and said, "She couldn't elevate herself, I had to help her." I smiled, "I hear ya'."
May the merit of these holy Tzaddikim elevate us and help us all out of our awkward situations and help us to stand.

8 WORDS WOMEN USE

2007-08-30T12:50:00.000-04:00

I hate to admit it, but I am guilty of this vocabulary. °Ü°

1. Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2. Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3. Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4. Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5. Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6. That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7. Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8. Don't worry about it, I got it : Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself.. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Heartbreak and Joy in Crown Heights

2007-08-30T07:33:00.000-04:00

Please go read Live from the Hilltop, for the recent heartbreak and joy in Crown Heights.

Disappointment is...

2007-08-30T07:22:00.000-04:00

finding all your amazing pictures from the Simply Tsfat are all very dark because you have an pretty 'ok' camera that cannot compensate for the lack of lighting.

Do you think Photo Shop would help???

Simply Tsfat!!!

2007-08-29T23:17:00.001-04:00

What can I possibly say that has not been already said about this amazing group from the Holy City of Tsfat. For the past several years they have come here to Philly and each year it is such a treat! Simply Tsfat took us from sheer unadulterated joy with rousing chassidic niggunim to quiet contemplation with soft meditative pieces such a "Running and Returning." It was like Tsfat and Uman came to us all wrapped in one happy package.

Yoni Lipshutz shared his personal story of teshuva with us. It was so inspiring and so timely during this month of Elul, to hear how Hashem works in our lives. Yoni reminded us nothing we do is wasted and Hashem works all things for the good. (Check out this post on "A Simple Jew" for more on Yoni)

This years concert really was a spiritual treat for me because along with the music they shared many of Rebbeinu's deep treasures with us. They told the story of the man who finds the diamond complete with sound effects and musical accompaniment. They also touched on the basics of Rebbeinu's most well know teachings of "Never Give Up!", "If you believe you can damage believe you can fix" and the teaching of hitbodedut. Rebbe Nachman said, "My fire will burn until the coming of Mashiach". Simply Tsfat is helping to spread that fire.

The bottom line, if you have never seen Simply Tsfat in concert you simply must go. And if you have gone, keep going! They are an incredible musical group live not to mention the joy they bring in sharing Rebbe Nachman's teachings. The fact is, each time you hear them, they get better and better.

Little Tiptoes

2007-08-29T23:01:00.000-04:00

This is a link to a beautiful post written by a dear friend, Reb Moshe. He has been busy taking care of his children while Mommy has been in the hospital with another child who is having surgery. Please keep this family in your prayers as they are, like many of us, going through their share of trials. B'ezrat Hashem, they only draw us closer to Hashem.

Little Tiptoes

Three things that bring me joy

2007-08-23T14:41:00.000-04:00

I am feeling kinda blah these days. Lotsa reasons, but I am sure none are really good enough. So I am trying to think of things that bring me joy. Here are three things that for sure bring a smile to my face.

1. My daughter sneaking up beside me a kissing my cheeks.

2. Hearing my son's voice on the phone, or these days, on the computer.

3. Listening to my youngest sing.

Oh yes, and this picture. Miss Kitty makes me smile.

While quietly spinning...

2007-08-21T08:21:00.000-04:00

the niece thought it would be fun to check out the roving!

"I'm just getting it ready for you Tity!"

Alpaca for me!

2007-08-21T07:28:00.001-04:00

People are pretty good to me y'know.

A new friend of mine was just in the Adirondack Mountains and she was telling me about a wonderful Alpaca and Goat farm she was on. It sounded just wonderful. She told me what wonderful guards the alpacas are and how gentle they were. Of course I teasingly asked if she brought me back a souvenir. Well, dance of joy, she did! Here you see pictures of my very first alpaca! It is so soft and the natural shades of brown are lovely. From my first playing with it I am sure it will spin like a dream. It is fresh off the animal fur so I need to clean it. If any of you are familiar with cleaning alpaca please leave all your helpful tips.

My dog very interested in this new animal smell. Actually he got a little to interested and tried to make off with it.

Uman! Uman! Rosh HaShana

2007-08-20T18:23:00.000-04:00

I cannot tell you how this video has inspired me! Such joy!

My Rosh Hashanah is greater than everything. I cannot understand how it is that if my followers really believe in me, they are not all scrupulous about being with me for Rosh Hashanah. No one should be missing! Rosh Hashanah is my whole mission (Tzaddik #403).

I will try not to post so many videos, I just could not resist sharing this one with you.